Self-care or Millennial Narcissism?

Our local university has a new president, the second in the school’s history, so this is a big deal! She has inherited an outstanding legacy left by the first president. Now it’s her turn to make it her own.

She’s a high profile leader with an exciting and demanding new job. She’s getting to know her community, and we’re getting to know her. She’s been connecting with students, faculty and staff in various ways. She clearly has a lot to attend to. Imagine the learning curve!!

The media and the university have been reporting on her first few months as everyone gets to know her. Of course the media coverage includes some personal interest stories. One was a feature article in the “Outdoors” section of the local paper that highlights people in the community and how they take advantage of the beautiful place we live. Totally appropriate.

I thought it was a great piece that told a brief story of how she makes time for her family, herself and her work by getting outside in Ventura County: hiking, surfing and even doing yoga.

I was delighted to learn how she prioritizes time to recharge and focus on self-care.

How cool!

I decided to look at the comments on the article, and I was shocked. Instead of giving kudos to this local leader, the comments were pretty harsh. “She should be doing her job, not doing yoga.” “Who cares about what she does in her free time?” “What is she doing for the students?”

WHAT?

Internet trolls

The criticism around self-care was staggering. Why shouldn’t she take care of herself? Enjoy her surroundings? Play with her kids? Surf with the students? I’m sure she’s working hard. This article was about how she gets outside.

I couldn’t bite my tongue. Here’s the thread:

Self-aggrandizing, millennial narcissism?  Wow.

Is this what people think about self-care?

No wonder we run ourselves into the ground.

Trolls Don’t Exist ONLY on the Internet

We can also have “internet trolls” in our heads.

I’ve heard it from my clients. I can’t take care of myself. I don’t have the time. I have too much to do. It’s selfish. I have to take care of ([PERSON] [TASK] [EVERYTHING OTHER THAN SELF]).

I do it myself. I schedule time into my day and week to regroup, recharge and take care of me. And I advise my clients to do the same.

That’s not lazy, self-absorbed, narcissism. It’s biology. The body needs down time to recover, all the way to regenerating the neurotransmitters in the brain. Ironically (or not), CSUCI faculty is studying self-care in nurses. Research shows nurses with better self-care deliver better care to others and are less apt to develop compassion fatigue and burnout.

Those are powerful results.

Because if you're taking care of body, mind and spirit, you are not bad or selfish. You are keeping your cup full.

Because you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Dr. Erika Beck has a lot of pouring to do as a new university President. I’m glad to know she’s keeping her cup full.

How do you make time for self-care? How do you address the internet trolls in your head?

When Self-Doubt Sneaks Up on You

Have you ever doubted yourself?

Of course that's a rhetorical question. Everyone has self-doubt, usually a negative, undermining force that can stop you in your tracks. You get all caught up in your head. You might start ruminating or obsessing. It can get so overblown that you lose touch with reality.

I had an episode of it recently. I was working on a contract developing a training program for health care providers. As part of the development process, I’d deliver the 3-hour training to pilot test the curriculum with trainees and funders.

I'm a pretty confident gal, especially when it comes to training. I’ve been around the block a time or two, and I’m known for being good at what I do. Some might say I’m at the top of my game.

Self-doubt can be kryptonite to your confidence.

I was kind of surprised when I couldn't shake off the self-doubt I had about my materials and my approach. I was questioning how good my presentation was. Were my slides interesting enough? Would I capture and keep the audience's attention? Would I present the information in an understandable way? Did I have enough interactivity? Would I help people think about how to apply the material? So many questions!!

The venue was also different than I’d anticipated. When I heard “pilot testing,” I thought about 20 people with extended time for discussion and feedback.

Imagine my surprise when I found 100 people in a huge, classroom style auditorium.

Did I mention they were also videotaping it for use in their online learning center?

My bad for not confirming all these details, so I was thrown.

I was also presenting after my friend and colleague of 15 years, a master trainer who has been doing this for as long as I have. Of course he was funny, engaging, informative and professional. That’s why he’s a master!

And his slides were full of cool animations and features mine were lacking.

If self-doubt wasn’t enough, now I had a good dose of slide envy.

My turn.

The first hour of training was dragging by. The group pointed out errors in the slides and had lots of questions. The session wasn’t interactive enough. I was starting to sweat. And I decided to take the break a little early.

One of the funders came rushing to the front of the room as soon as I called the break. I was expecting admonishment.

Instead, he beamed, “Wow, you are an excellent trainer.” He pointed to the trainees:  ‘They are right with you, completely engaged.”

Uh, ok. I was taken aback and pleased by the compliment. But was I really that off in my self-assessment? Others approached me at the break with questions, comments and more good feedback. They were definitely engaged.

The break was over, and I continued with the last 90 minutes of the training. We had the feedback session, which acknowledged the need for more photos in my slides, but otherwise, the comments were positive. Afterward, someone told me she saw my passion for the material come through.

The overall assessment was, “Great training.”

Even with all that positive feedback, a confident, experienced and skillful trainer like me was still influenced by niggling self-doubt.

Self-doubt is a thief that tries to rob your confidence.

But it doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.

Self-doubt can be a positive and corrective force, providing a mental quality control of sorts.  Self-doubt keeps you in check: you check your facts, check for typos, check your bank account or check that you locked the front door. A pilot recently told me he experiences self-doubt every time he gets ready to land an airplane, and he considers that a good thing!

How can you extract the benefits of questioning yourself while keeping your self-confidence in tact? Here are a few ideas:

Acknowledge it. We all have moments of self-doubt, so be on the lookout. Practice noticing it. The more you can be aware of it, the more likely you’ll be to take the steps to manage it, integrate it into your experience and move on.

Look at all the data. While the feedback from others at the training was positive I was relying too much on my internal feedback and high expectations. I needed to evaluate what was real and what was a product of my imagination.

I used the feedback to improve the presentation for the final draft. I fixed the errors and added a few more pictures.

Know your limits. It makes sense that I would doubt my ability to do fancy animations because, well, I don’t know how. I could spend hours trying to figure it out, but I know it’s not my forte. I’m lucky to have a member of the team to help out with that. Those are true limits to what I can do. Delegating is great.

Look at past successes. Shake self-doubt by thinking about situations where you did a good job. Ask yourself where you’ve done well and look back objectively at times when you’ve achieved success, had good outcomes and things turned out the way you had hoped. These are great reminders that can dispel self-doubt – or at least quiet it a bit.

The flip side of self-doubt

My friend Lisa Braithwaite, another experienced speaker, had a related experience with a training she did recently. Check out her post about the dangers of complacency that come with experience, and what happens when an expert becomes just a little too overconfident.

http://www.speakschmeak.com/2016/07/i-did-everything-wrong.html

How do you deal with self-doubt? How can you foil that sneaky thief? Share your insights, experiences and advice below.

Don’t Bring a Briefcase to a Ski Resort (or Lessons in Living in the Moment)

I am not a skier. I have never skied. I grew up in sunny Southern California, and despite being only 2 hours from ski resorts where many of my friends flocked to in the winter, my parents were transplanted New Yorkers who didn’t do the outdoor thing. The closest I’ve come to mountain recreation is riding the chair lift to the top of the mountain in the fall at Hunter Mountain in the Catskills. We would go for Oktoberfest. No snow-just beer, polka and autumn leaves.

So when our daughter decided to go to college in Utah, we figured it would be the perfect opportunity for her to try skiing – without us! The U has an amazing outdoor program with discount rentals and ski outings that we encouraged her to take advantage of. How great! She’d get to ski and we wouldn’t have to deal with anything but the cost.

But her first year was hard and busy and she didn’t have time or energy to explore the options before her. So when I was planning to come out to spend a couple of weeks to support her through a rough patch, she asked if I’d take her skiing. Uh, ok.

Obviously the ship has sailed for me to try this sport that’s hard on the knees and ankles. Hurling myself down an icy slope on long planks is NOT my idea of a good time. I’m clumsy enough to fall when walking through a parking lot, no less engaging in a dangerous winter sport.

I arranged for an afternoon lesson for her, complete with equipment and lift ticket. She was so excited!

My plan was to stay in the lodge, watching her and working on some writing projects. I’d been traveling for work for weeks and trying to fit in time to work on our upcoming retreat, Find Your Voice, whenever I could. This seemed like a great opportunity for some down time to get some work done.

My first surprise was parking at the bottom of the hill and taking the Cabriolet lift to the mountain base. The “Cab” was basically an open bucket to stand in that takes you to the mountain base.

How cool!

Actually, cold, especially because I was woefully prepared, with no hat or gloves. I had a cotton scarf and a faux fur headband. I’d be fine! I like the cold, and this was an adventure.

The thing I was most prepared for was work, as I schlepped my canvas briefcase with computer, a couple of books, a water bottle and snacks. I was conspicuously lacking the equipment everyone else had with them. Oh well.

But when we got there, I found out that her lesson was up the mountain (did I mention I have zero experience with skiing or ski resorts?) and I’d be hanging out below. She got on the gondola with the instructor and another student, and off they went.

The gal scanning passes told me I could go up and watch from the upper lodge. Seemed like a good idea.

I got my pass and up I went in an enclosed gondola this time (yay!) with a young woman ready to snow board. As the gondola climbed, it started to snow. And snow harder. Again prepared only with my headband and briefcase, I was wondering what it would be like at the top.

Why was I surprised that there was snow everywhere and no path to walk safely to the lodge? I carefully made my way across the snow pack, with skiers whooshing by. Luckily I was wearing some sturdy boots with good traction (borrowed) and made it in, upright and unscathed.

The place was PACKED with skiers resting, eating, drinking. I wondered if it was a good idea to drink a beer then head back to the slopes!

Little kids were sleeping sitting upright. There were lots of families, couples and folks ranging in age from 5 to 75. I saw where the lessons were taking place and spotted my daughter. Cool! Now I just needed to find a window spot where I could settle in to watch and get some work done.

I soon realized that work wasn’t going to happen. When my daughter was out of view, I was too fascinated with all the people dressed in their bulky, awkward clothes, dealing with the skis, the cold, the equipment. I watched the people in the snow board lesson struggling to stand up, compared to the more experienced skiers effortlessly gliding down the hill.  It was one of those “to each his own” life lessons and left me thinking, “One man’s pain is another man’s pleasure.

I actually started to appreciate how this was thrilling for so many. The snow would come down hard, then clear in a moment’s notice. It was really beautiful. I could see the allure of being outside in such a gorgeous place, speeding down a mountain.

I also appreciated seeing my daughter head up a ski lift for the first time and spotting her about 20 minutes later skiing down the hill. She was on her feet and had a big smile on her face. Off they went, back to the chair lift.

I walked outside and stood there, briefcase over my shoulder, waiting for them to come back. At this point, it was snowing pretty hard again, but I was getting used to the drill, watching for speeding skiers, sweeping the accumulating snow off my briefcase (at least my water stayed cold!).

After she took one more run, all by herself this time, the slopes were closing, so we headed back down the mountain in the enclosed gondola. She had an amazing time, fell in love with the sport and did really well.  The snow continued to pick up as we descended.

After she returned her equipment, it was time to get back to the car. She was carrying helmet, goggles, ski pants.

I was still clutching my briefcase, which by this time was covered in snow.

Back to the Cabriolet, this time down the mountain in a pelting snow squall.

When we got back to the car and I shook the glaze of snow from my head, I also shook my head at myself for trying to do too much instead of just enjoying the moment.

I ended up loving the experience but didn’t need the literal baggage I took with me.

It was a lesson in not overextending. Just staying in the moment, unplugging and enjoying my surroundings.

It’s also one of the reasons we are offering the Find Your Voice Women’s Writing and Leadership Retreat. I know I’m not the only one who’s schlepped work somewhere to try to multitask when what I really needed was to unplug, unwind and reflect.

We are providing a weekend of writing, leadership development, yoga breaks, healthy foods and connection with a group of like-minded women in a beautiful, supportive setting in Ojai, CA May 13-15.

Want to know more? Click here for all the details.

Are Your Strengths Part of the Puzzle?

I love facilitating workshops and retreats, especially with teams who want to make the most of what they're doing by focusing on their strengths: those things they do best and love to do most.

A strengths retreat, like the one pictured at left, can be a breath of fresh air for an organization and an opportunity to bring out the best in everyone.

This retreat for a local real estate team brought together agents, brokers, marketing staff, interns and lenders to spend a morning learning a lot about themselves, each other and creating a strategy to apply their strengths to achieve their sales and marketing goals in the coming year. Each person took Gallup's StrengthsFinder 2.0 before the workshop and came ready to explore and apply their Top 5 strengths themes with their colleagues.

In the "Your Piece of the Puzzle" activity, each person decorated a blank puzzle piece to represent their strengths. The finished product, pictured above,captures each person's unique, creative style as well as the how they come together as a whole. I framed the puzzle, which now hangs in their office as a terrific reminder of the day and their contributions.

What are 2-3 strengths you bring to your team? List them below. Not sure? You can learn more about your strengths by downloading my free e-workbook (see the upper right hand side of the page) . If you're interested in finding out more about a strengths-based workshop or retreat for your team or organization, let me know!

Too Much on Your Plate?

Have you ever felt like you've got too much on your proverbial plate? Do you ever feel over-committed, overwhelmed, over-worked or overloaded?

Yeah, me too.

Like many entrepreneurs, and especially entrepreneur moms, I tend to take on a lot. I sometimes bite off more than I can chew. My eyes are bigger than my stomach. I have too much on my plate. 

And with so much going on, it's often hard to digest the experience, process it smoothly, avoid heartburn that comes with the stress of overdoing it.

Get where I'm going with this?

With all those food metaphors, I came up with an idea. A portion control business strategy.

Do you need to clean up your plate? Make healthier choices? Watch this 2 minute video for some ideas on how you can have better business portion control. 

Weigh in below (and that wasn't meant to be part of the metaphor-but it is now) and tell me how you might exert a little portion control for your business health.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, trainer and executive coach who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success.  She also offers training and coaching programs to develop tech-savvy leaders in health care. To learn more, visit  www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com where you can sign up to receive a free tool to optimize your strengths. 

Living a Double Life

I’m in transition: re-evaluating, evolving, exploring and reinventing a long career exclusively involved with helping people learn and better themselves. I started teaching piano when I was 15 and from there never stopped tutoring, mentoring, coaching, treating, educating, inspiring, motivating, connecting and supporting others. It's just what I do. It's what I've always done as a teacher, tutor, mentor, coach, psychologist, supervisor, trainer, speaker and leader.

Over the last five years building my coaching practice, I've continued to work as a training director and consultant on national research projects to develop and test effective treatments for people with addictions, something I've been doing in one way or another since 1990.

When I received my coach certification through the College of Executive Coaching, I imagined a 1-2 year transition out of research and into a full time coaching practice.

It hasn't worked out exactly how I imagined.

In fact, I've been living a double life.

Locally, I am known in the business community: the owner of Optimal Development Coaching, a vice chair on the board of the Camarillo Chamber of Commerce, Instructor for Women’s Economic Ventures Self Employment Training class, a master mind facilitator, speaker and workshop leader with a focus on strengths. I belong to a number of organizations supporting the arts, education and the empowerment of women and girls. I'm a Girl Scout leader and active volunteer in my area.

But to my colleagues in the mental health community I've been a part of for so many years, I'm known as a master trainer, conference and webinar presenter, published author, psychologist, clinical and research supervisor, grant reviewer, curriculum developer, workgroup leader and instructor of clinical psychology at Columbia University.

See what I mean by a double life?

So now I'm bringing it all together with a variety of different projects, all of which still involve training, educating and coaching. I’m working on national initiatives to educate treatment providers about telehealth, i.e., the use of technology to improve treatment outcomes. This is cutting edge, research-based work that has relevance for changes in our health system as we implement the Affordable Care Act. My goal is to develop tech-savvy leaders in health care.

I will continue to offer workshops and facilitate retreats and team building events focused on developing collaborative, strengths-based, emotionally intelligent people and organizations. I'm excited to collaborate with Susan Ross at the Good Vibe Studio, an amazing work, music and meeting space in Thousand Oaks, CA, a great option to tap into creativity at a personal or professional development event.

Susan and I are also students and zealots of the master mind, each coming at it from different, yet complementary perspectives. For the last few months, we've been running a master mind group at the Studio. What a joy it is to watch these business owners benefit from the collective genius the mastermind brings to brainstorm, problem-solve and create and reach their goals - even the audacious ones!

We meet the third Wednesday of the month, with a 3rd Monday group forming. It's perfect for small business owners who are looking to finish the year strong with a plan to hit the ground running in 2014. Through the end of 2013, a 3-month block of sessions, which includes the monthly mastermind as well as personalized follow-up and feedback, is $149. I'm happy to send more details.

I'm working on two books for 2014 publication. The Optimal Development Leadership System  will bring together work on strengths, emotional intelligence, team building and other important facets of being an effective leader. It's a collection of research-based best practices in effective leadership. 

The ABCs of the Master Mind is a collaboration with my dear friend and colleague Cheri Ruskus as a result of co-hosting Victory Circles Radio Hour on the first Wednesday of each month. We always develop an acronym to help listeners understand the different mindset principles that Napoleon Hill drafted in Think and Grow Rich.

As my path continues to evolve and shift, as I reinvent myself, I'm sure I’ll be updating you again soon.

Do you ever feel like you're living a double life? What's your recent reinvention? Any guidance for me on my journey? Questions about my changing path? I'd love to hear from you.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, trainer and executive coach who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success.  She also offers training and coaching programs to develop tech-savvy leaders in health care. To learn more, visit  www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com where you can sign up to receive a free tool to optimize your strengths. 

What Will You Do in the Next 100 Days?

Yes, there are just 100 days left in 2013.

Hard to believe, right?

Aside from your holiday shopping (yes, I said it!!), what do you want to accomplish before the year ends?

Here are a few things you can do to make the most out of the remaining days and weeks of 2013:

1. Review your goals from the beginning of the year. I'm sure you've been doing this all along, but in case you haven't been, pull out out that business plan, goal-setting activity or vision board you did at the beginning of the year, and see how far you've come! What goals have you met? Which ones have you exceeded? And what do you still want to accomplish before we say goodbye to 2013?

2. Choose carefully. If you still have a number of goals yuo have yet to achieve, be selective about what you want to get done in the next 3+ months. Definitely make your goals SMART - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Thrilling.

Yes, thrilling. While you've probably seen the T in SMART goals referred to as Timely, and that's important, I believe that's covered in Measurable (e.g., I'll send one newsletter weekly).

Making your goals thrilling, that is exciting, to you will make it more likely that you'll achieve them. See if you can add some sizzle to your goals by making them focused on your strengths as well as your vision and long-range goals.

3. Make a plan. Take out your calendar and start filling in the blanks. How will you meet those goals and get to the finish line? Do you want to revise your business plan before the end of the year? Maybe tackle one section every week. 

Do you want to establish a better exercise routine before the new year? Mark off time to get moving 3 or more times a week.

4. Make a commitment. It's one thing to make a plan, but committing to it publicly and telling others about it gives you a much greater chance of getting it done.

So what do you want to accomplish in the next 100 days?

Share your ideas in the comments!

Ready, set, GO!!

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, trainer and executive coach who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success.  She also offers training and coaching programs to develop tech-savvy leaders in health care. To learn more, visit  www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com where you can sign up to receive a free tool to optimize your strengths. 

Are You a Servant Leader?

I recently asked readers to share how they volunteer in their communities, and now I'm sharing their stories with you. I love the passion that people have for their causes. I truly believe that as leaders we need to serve others.  There’s a whole movement related to Servant Leadership, a term coined by Robert Greenleaf in his 1970 essay. 

Are you familiar with the concept? From the web site: "Servant leadership is a philosophy and set of practices that enriches the lives of individuals, builds better organizations and ultimately creates a more just and caring world."

A leader needs to be focused on the big picture, the bottom line and the greater good. She's someone who is a good and empathic listener who takes a genuine interest in the people on her team. He is a caring individual who considers positive outcomes that go beyond profit margins and invested in experiences that create purpose and meaning on a bigger scale. 

Here are a few of the ways people are serving their communities:

“I have been a volunteer fitness instructor twice a week for a Women's Ministry at a local church for over 20 years. I love it! :-)”

Rosanne MacDonald, C.Ht.,  www.hypnovitality.com

“I learned about volunteering first from my parents and then from The Foundation of a corporation I worked for. My consulting business contributes at least 5% of total revenue per year in financial support distributed amongst several not-for-profits we've selected, and I donate at least 10% of my professional time (=200+ hours per year) to various organizations I support. I enjoy it and the organizations appreciate it. I recommend setting up a similar program, within the capabilities of the business enterprise, to any business owner interested in giving back.”

Gene Mancini, Environmental Scientist

“Although I haven't been able to spend time actually being with and volunteering for this group, I have a goal to do it soon.  In the mean time I have been raising money to help fund the program.  Achilles International's mission is to enable people with all types of disabilities to participate in mainstream athletics in order to promote personal achievement, enhance self-esteem and lower barriers to living a fulfilling life.  My goal is to be a guide for runners and triathletes who are blind or disabled, and hopefully be a key player in bringing a chapter to Ventura County.   http://www.achillesinternational.org”

Dani Bansen, Runwithdani.com

 “I volunteer with www.WhatCanWe.org, an amazing organization dedicated to helping offset veterinary costs for licensed animal rescues. We are seeking volunteers of all ages and will pair them with mentors who are community and business leaders. Learn more at our website. (And of course, Gloria Miele, with Scouts!)”

Bonnie Quintanilla, Corridor Communications

“[I volunteer] with my church, Crossroads. They do community outreach with the homeless in Oxnard, seniors here in Camarillo, and much more.”

Mary Gillette, Sewbella Memory Quilts

 “I mentor several people continuously, mostly positive psychology students or coaches, write reviews for others, and showcase their work, give to the poor, help out professional organizations, hug everyone I can, and I practice ‘pay it forward’.  As Positive Psychologist Dr. Chris Peterson said, ‘Other People Matter.’”

Judy Krings, www.coachingpositivity.com

"Women’s Economic Ventures!"

Lisa Braithwaite, Public Speaking Coach, www.coachlisab.com (and recent recipient of WEV’’s 2013 Volunteer of the Year award)

Don't you love it?

Some of my favorite volunteer opportunities are with organizations that support the arts, education and the empowerment of women and girls, including Girl Scouts, AAUW, CAPE Charter School and the Camarillo Chamber of Commerce.

What's your favorite way to serve others? What part of the world are you trying to make a better place? I'd love to hear about it below!

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a business development and leadership coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She helps entrepreneurs and other business leaders develop the mind set and the skill set to achieve greater business success through coaching programs, workshops, staff training, executive coaching and keynote speaking.  Visit her website at www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com to sign up to receive helpful business development resources, including a free Strengths-Based Goal-Setting Tool.  You can also connect with us at www.facebook.com/optimaldevelopmentcoaching.

More Master Mind Musings

I recently received an email with a question about master mind groups from a person who is starting one with some colleagues.  She asked if I had any materials on the topic, so I forwarded the link to the blog post I wrote last year. I realized that in that post I talked more about the process and less about the content of MM groups.  With a new format MM workshop starting next week, I thought I’d talk about the content and format of a good MM group.

Have a theme.  Most of the MM groups I’ve been involved with have the theme of business development – starting or building a business, supporting entrepreneurs.  However, you could also have a MM group devoted to writing, marketing, developing a non-profit, art or any other topic of your choice.  Just make sure it’s relevant and engaging to all involved.

Have a strong facilitator.  It’s also important to have someone in a leadership role to facilitate the discussion and keep the group on track. Timekeeper, reflector, engager, cheerleader – all of these are the job of a good facilitator.  Depending on the structure of your group, one person takes the reigns.  You may also consider handing off the responsibility now and again to those interested.  

Have a structure.  In the Victory Circles, we start with a check-in (wave the checkered flag to celebrate your victories!), spend the majority of the session covering a specific topic (e.g., how one of the master mind principles relates to your business), then end with intentions for the month/quarter ahead.  Without a structure, the group can lose its focus, momentum and productivity.

In our full day Master Mind Intensives, we spend half the day working on a quarterly Action Calendar for each business owner.  We take a month by month look at your plan for sales, marketing, joint venture partnerships and more so you have a clear direction moving forward for the next three months.

Make the time.  As busy entrepreneurs, we can “blow off” those activities that aren’t right in front of us.  If you’ve read Michael Gerber’s The E-Myth Revisited, you’ll recognize the technician who is always working in the business instead of on the business. 

A great gift you can give yourself and your business is the gift of time for reflection, planning and strategizing to move your business forward.  A master mind group is a great resource for that.  It’s consistent, structured and draws on the expertise of other like-minded entrepreneurs who come from different perspectives and backgrounds.

Entrepreneurs, especially sole proprietors, can get isolated in their businesses.  You need to get out of the office and meet some people,  While MM groups are not networking groups, of course you end up networking with other business owners and creating relationships that can lead to productive, business building collaborations.  You never know.

Unlocking the Power of the Master Mind Workshop

In a continued effort to "give the people what they want" (remember that classic from the 80s?), we've created a new MM format to deliver the benefits of a MM group while delving into the Victory Circles Master Mind Principles in a 3-hour workshop.  

We'll review the 12 principles of success that were inspired by Napoleon Hill's writings, then spend extra time on the first principle:  establishing the Definite Chief Aim of your business.  Why are you in business?  What's your passion?  What do you want to achieve?

This is beyond just your goals.  It's really your purpose of being in business.

You can see why that's the place to start.

It's about developing the mindset and the skill set to build a successful business.

Do you have lessons you've learned from being in a Master Mind?  Questions?  Add yours below.

To learn more about our upcoming in person and online workshops, check out www.victorycircles.com/unlockingthepower.  You can also find a recording of a recent webinar where we further discuss the master mind principles and ways you can put them into practice in your business.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a business development and leadership coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She is passionate about helping others discover and develop their strengths to achieve greater business success through coaching programs, workshops, staff training, executive coaching and keynote speaking.  You can also connect with us at www.facebook.com/optimaldevelopmentcoaching.

Worldwide Linchpin MeetUp Day!

Posted May 18, 2011Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Fear, Lizard brain, Napoleon Hill, Self-confidence, Seth Godin, Strengths, Worldwide Linchpin Day

Did you even know there was such a thing?  Well, Seth Godin started the Linchpin Meetups about a  year ago, encouraging those who read the book Linchpin and consider themselves indispensable leaders to meet with like-minded folks and make things happen.  There’s over 1100 worldwide.  I’ve met some remarkable artists, activists and all around nice people at the meetup in Ventura, launched by Linchpins Donna Von Hoesslin and David Pu’u.

In honor of today’s festivities, I’m re-posting an article I wrote a few months back that was inspired by Seth’s writing on fear and the lizard brain.  Enjoy!

Are You Undermining Your Success? 

Taming the Lizard Brain

By Gloria Miele, Optimal Development Coaching

Have you ever thought, “I need to get out of my own way,” or “I’m my own worst enemy?”  Those kinds of thoughts are a sign that you’re having issues with self-confidence, and your fears are working against you.  In his book, The Laws of Success, Napoleon Hill outlined the six fears that can undermine self-confidence:  Poverty, Criticism, Old Age, Ill Health, Loss of Love and Death.  Which ones resonate most to you?

More recently, marketing genius Seth Godin published his latest book, Linchpin (if you don’t know Seth Godin’s work, you can get a great sample from his daily blog at http://www.sethgodin.typepad.com).  Seth argues that in today’s world, we need to be indispensable, creative artists who work from the heart – to be Linchpins.  Does this sound familiar?  Successful entrepreneurs are linchpins.  You succeed by being bold, bucking the trends, doing something unique and letting your genius emerge to set you apart in the crowded marketplace.

Seth also talks about the fears that get in the way of being the linchpin.  Certain types of thinking can hold you back from taking a risk and putting yourself on the line.  This thinking is rooted in fear and uncertainty and comes from what Seth calls “the lizard brain.”  The lizard brain is the oldest, most primitive part of the brain, driven by survival and fear.   The lizard brain wants you to be safe, not call much attention to yourself and hide from the crowd.

The lizard brain contributes to the undermining thoughts that stop you in your tracks.  They challenge you, doubt you, and question your abilities.  We all have them, and often we don’t even realized they are there – “Who do you think you are?”  “What will people think?”  “Can I really pull this off?”  “What if I embarrass myself?”  “What if I fail?”

All these questions can hold you up, make you pause, keep you from pursuing your dream.  But remember, those messages in your head are just that – in your head.  These are irrational thoughts not based in reality but generated from the lizard brain that wants you to stay safe, warm and well fed under a rock.

If you’re working from your self-confidence, you keep the lizard brain at bay.  You’ll put yourself out there, take a risk, and act in a self-assured way.  Here are a few ways to fuel your self-confidence:

1.     Use Your Strengths. If you know me at all, you know I’m a strengths zealot.  I love working with people, especially entrepreneurs, to help them identify and leverage their strengths.  Think about it – if you’re playing to your strengths and pursuing your passion, you are coming from a place of confidence, assurance and expertise.  You automatically minimize some of the fear, because you’re in your comfort zone.  It’s a great way to give yourself a self-confidence boost.

2.    Practice. Fear is fueled by the unknown.  If you’re not sure about how things are going to go, you can feel anxious and uncomfortable.  The more you practice, the better you’ll be.  Some people are terrified of public speaking, which in turn causes them to avoid it, and they never are able to practice this skill.  Even a 30-second introduction can send them into a tail spin.  By writing out your introduction and practicing in advance, you’ll be much more prepared.  The more you do it, the more confident you’ll become.

3.     Just do it.  Aside from being one of the most successful and recognizable slogans in advertising history, this directive from Nike’s ad agency applies far beyond reaching your fitness goals.  Sometimes you just need to take the plunge.  Avoid the quest for perfection – it’s unattainable and will stop you from moving forward.  Be good enough.  Let yourself feel your success.  That is what builds your self-confidence.  Here’s a great example where the wish for perfection can stop your progress – video marketing.  If you’re waiting for that “perfect” take, you may never get your video program started.  “I sounded funny.”  “My hair doesn’t look good.”  “Do I really have that many wrinkles around my eyes?”  Do a few takes and upload that video.  We’d all love to see it!

4.    Tame your lizard brain.  By now, you’ve got a good idea of some of the thoughts and motives that hold you back.  It’s important to be aware of the fear but don’t act on it.  Recognize the fear (“Oh, yeah, I’m procrastinating writing this article because I’m caught up in the perfection game.”) but then move beyond it.  No one will be as critical as you are.  Give yourself a break.  Let it go.  Do something big and exciting

Put the lizard in its place.  Start with what you do best and move forward from there.  Post that video. Write that blog post.  Make that sales call.  Be a linchpin!  The more you do, the more confident you’ll become.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a Business Development and Leadership Coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She is passionate about helping others discover and develop their strengths to achieve greater business success.  Sign up for her newsletter at www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com to receive a free tool to optimize your strengths.