Self-care or Millennial Narcissism?

Our local university has a new president, the second in the school’s history, so this is a big deal! She has inherited an outstanding legacy left by the first president. Now it’s her turn to make it her own.

She’s a high profile leader with an exciting and demanding new job. She’s getting to know her community, and we’re getting to know her. She’s been connecting with students, faculty and staff in various ways. She clearly has a lot to attend to. Imagine the learning curve!!

The media and the university have been reporting on her first few months as everyone gets to know her. Of course the media coverage includes some personal interest stories. One was a feature article in the “Outdoors” section of the local paper that highlights people in the community and how they take advantage of the beautiful place we live. Totally appropriate.

I thought it was a great piece that told a brief story of how she makes time for her family, herself and her work by getting outside in Ventura County: hiking, surfing and even doing yoga.

I was delighted to learn how she prioritizes time to recharge and focus on self-care.

How cool!

I decided to look at the comments on the article, and I was shocked. Instead of giving kudos to this local leader, the comments were pretty harsh. “She should be doing her job, not doing yoga.” “Who cares about what she does in her free time?” “What is she doing for the students?”

WHAT?

Internet trolls

The criticism around self-care was staggering. Why shouldn’t she take care of herself? Enjoy her surroundings? Play with her kids? Surf with the students? I’m sure she’s working hard. This article was about how she gets outside.

I couldn’t bite my tongue. Here’s the thread:

Self-aggrandizing, millennial narcissism?  Wow.

Is this what people think about self-care?

No wonder we run ourselves into the ground.

Trolls Don’t Exist ONLY on the Internet

We can also have “internet trolls” in our heads.

I’ve heard it from my clients. I can’t take care of myself. I don’t have the time. I have too much to do. It’s selfish. I have to take care of ([PERSON] [TASK] [EVERYTHING OTHER THAN SELF]).

I do it myself. I schedule time into my day and week to regroup, recharge and take care of me. And I advise my clients to do the same.

That’s not lazy, self-absorbed, narcissism. It’s biology. The body needs down time to recover, all the way to regenerating the neurotransmitters in the brain. Ironically (or not), CSUCI faculty is studying self-care in nurses. Research shows nurses with better self-care deliver better care to others and are less apt to develop compassion fatigue and burnout.

Those are powerful results.

Because if you're taking care of body, mind and spirit, you are not bad or selfish. You are keeping your cup full.

Because you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Dr. Erika Beck has a lot of pouring to do as a new university President. I’m glad to know she’s keeping her cup full.

How do you make time for self-care? How do you address the internet trolls in your head?

8 Ways to be a Stronger Leader

When you go to work every day, do you have the chance to do what you do best, what you love to do most, and what gets you excited, motivated and ready to dive in? If that’s how you feel, great! You’re working to your strengths, which means you are probably more productive, more engaged and even happier than those who aren't able to use their strengths on a regular basis.

When you know your own strengths, you’ll start focusing more on the strengths of others. It’s inevitable. It will change your perspective about how you work at your best and how to bring out the best in your team.

I didn't always think this way. In fact, I spent the first 20 years of my career focused almost entirely on what was wrong with people.

As a psychologist developing mental health assessment tools, I figured out ways to measure people's symptoms, pathology and disorders. I even worked on the "bible" of diagnosis: the DSM-IV  (you'll find my name in the Acknowledgments - got the job as a grad student  and enjoyed years of intensive learning [and pathologizing] for the greater good).

But at a certain point, I didn't want to look through the lens of weakness and pathology any more.

In my coach training, I learned about positive psychology and strengths-based approaches from other psychologists and mental health providers who had already shifted their perspective.

What surprised me was not that focusing on strengths had a positive impact  but that so few people were applying a strengths-based approach to leadership. Organizations often put too much emphasis on the areas where you need to improve instead of the areas where you're already doing well and where extra emphasis could make you a star performer.

So whether you're in charge of a small work group or an entire division, here are 8 ways you can be a stronger leader and create a dynamic team that's more efficient, engaged and satisfied,

Use a Strengths-Based Approach. Am I repeating myself? Of course, you want to start with your strengths - that sweet spot between what you do well and what you love to do. Understanding your strengths and the strengths of others sets the tone to bring out the best in everyone.

I recommend taking the Strengthsfinder 2.0 from the Gallup organization to learn your Top 5.  You can also get the workbook I use with my clients,  "Use Your Strengths to Reach Your Goals," as my strengths-based gift to you!

Develop Emotional intelligence (EI). EI is the ability to understand yourself and others, as well as manage your own emotions and respond appropriately to those of others.

Some refer to it as a “soft skill,” but EI accounts for the majority of success in top leaders, far more than IQ. While your innate intelligence (IQ) is to an extent fixed, your EQ can be enhanced and improved. Using your strengths to enhance your EQ can give you an edge as a top performer.

Do you know what's a great indicator of EQ? Gratitude. Expressing your appreciation is an indicator of all four components of EI. People want to be appreciated, and good leaders know that a simple thank you can go a long way.

Embrace and Prepare for Change. Like death and taxes, change is inevitable. Especially as a leader, you have to be adept at managing change, communicating the need for change clearly, understanding the steps involved and engaging others in the process. If you lead change using your strengths and the strengths of others involved in the change process, you can navigate change much more smoothly.

Communicate effectively. Good communication is key for stronger leaders. You need to be a good listener, give effective feedback and be able to address conflict head on. Another important skill related to communication is empathy. Being attuned to someone else's perspective can really help you connect, understand concerns and address them in a way that makes sense, in turn improving communication. Good stuff!

Foster Teamwork and Collaboration. Teams come alive when each member is working to their strengths. Being a strength-based leader will help you create a team that’s working at its best! Cooperative relationship-building is an asset in any task, and in developing a team, it is essential.

Practice Self Care. It’s not discussed much as a leadership skill, but self-care is an important component in leading others. When you take time for yourself, you get to recharge. Plus you’re setting a good example for others. Do you schedule breaks in the day, times to step away from what you’re doing to rejuvenate and recharge? Do you run? Do yoga? Meditate? Get a regular massage? Schedule time off?How do you take care of yourself?

Unleash Creativity. A great leader is a visionary who thinks outside the box (or realizes there are no boxes at all). What are your creative strengths? How do you get your creative juices flowing? Stimulating different areas of the brain can be extremely liberating. What’s your creative outlet?

I find that one particular app on my phone helps me be more creative: the camera. I've taken some great iPhone photography classes and love to capture pictures of flowers, sunsets and clouds (you'll find a few photos of the dog and the kid on my Camera Roll too). I keep thinking I should invest in a "real" camera, but I get a whole lot of mileage from the one that's always in my pocket. Here's a recent capture.

Be a Coach. Great leaders empower and motivate others, and there are few more effective ways to do so than to focus on the strengths of your employees. What are they great at? What do they love to do?

Help others understand and leverage their strengths more in everything they're doing. Learn to be a developer (yes, one of my Top 5). Help set strengths-based goals (which, by the way, are easier to achieve!) and an accountability plan.

Which of these elements come naturally to you as a leader? Which need some additional focus? How do you see your strengths working for you as a leader?

If you want to bring out the best in yourself and your team, connect with us on social media for ongoing resources and updates on strengths-based leadership and other professional development training programs.  For email updates, enter your information above (we NEVER spam) and download a free e-workbook to start putting your strengths to work right away.

You can also read more on my thoughts about strengths-based leadership in this in depth interview in the Strengths-Based Leader's Toolkit.

When Self-Doubt Sneaks Up on You

Have you ever doubted yourself?

Of course that's a rhetorical question. Everyone has self-doubt, usually a negative, undermining force that can stop you in your tracks. You get all caught up in your head. You might start ruminating or obsessing. It can get so overblown that you lose touch with reality.

I had an episode of it recently. I was working on a contract developing a training program for health care providers. As part of the development process, I’d deliver the 3-hour training to pilot test the curriculum with trainees and funders.

I'm a pretty confident gal, especially when it comes to training. I’ve been around the block a time or two, and I’m known for being good at what I do. Some might say I’m at the top of my game.

Self-doubt can be kryptonite to your confidence.

I was kind of surprised when I couldn't shake off the self-doubt I had about my materials and my approach. I was questioning how good my presentation was. Were my slides interesting enough? Would I capture and keep the audience's attention? Would I present the information in an understandable way? Did I have enough interactivity? Would I help people think about how to apply the material? So many questions!!

The venue was also different than I’d anticipated. When I heard “pilot testing,” I thought about 20 people with extended time for discussion and feedback.

Imagine my surprise when I found 100 people in a huge, classroom style auditorium.

Did I mention they were also videotaping it for use in their online learning center?

My bad for not confirming all these details, so I was thrown.

I was also presenting after my friend and colleague of 15 years, a master trainer who has been doing this for as long as I have. Of course he was funny, engaging, informative and professional. That’s why he’s a master!

And his slides were full of cool animations and features mine were lacking.

If self-doubt wasn’t enough, now I had a good dose of slide envy.

My turn.

The first hour of training was dragging by. The group pointed out errors in the slides and had lots of questions. The session wasn’t interactive enough. I was starting to sweat. And I decided to take the break a little early.

One of the funders came rushing to the front of the room as soon as I called the break. I was expecting admonishment.

Instead, he beamed, “Wow, you are an excellent trainer.” He pointed to the trainees:  ‘They are right with you, completely engaged.”

Uh, ok. I was taken aback and pleased by the compliment. But was I really that off in my self-assessment? Others approached me at the break with questions, comments and more good feedback. They were definitely engaged.

The break was over, and I continued with the last 90 minutes of the training. We had the feedback session, which acknowledged the need for more photos in my slides, but otherwise, the comments were positive. Afterward, someone told me she saw my passion for the material come through.

The overall assessment was, “Great training.”

Even with all that positive feedback, a confident, experienced and skillful trainer like me was still influenced by niggling self-doubt.

Self-doubt is a thief that tries to rob your confidence.

But it doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.

Self-doubt can be a positive and corrective force, providing a mental quality control of sorts.  Self-doubt keeps you in check: you check your facts, check for typos, check your bank account or check that you locked the front door. A pilot recently told me he experiences self-doubt every time he gets ready to land an airplane, and he considers that a good thing!

How can you extract the benefits of questioning yourself while keeping your self-confidence in tact? Here are a few ideas:

Acknowledge it. We all have moments of self-doubt, so be on the lookout. Practice noticing it. The more you can be aware of it, the more likely you’ll be to take the steps to manage it, integrate it into your experience and move on.

Look at all the data. While the feedback from others at the training was positive I was relying too much on my internal feedback and high expectations. I needed to evaluate what was real and what was a product of my imagination.

I used the feedback to improve the presentation for the final draft. I fixed the errors and added a few more pictures.

Know your limits. It makes sense that I would doubt my ability to do fancy animations because, well, I don’t know how. I could spend hours trying to figure it out, but I know it’s not my forte. I’m lucky to have a member of the team to help out with that. Those are true limits to what I can do. Delegating is great.

Look at past successes. Shake self-doubt by thinking about situations where you did a good job. Ask yourself where you’ve done well and look back objectively at times when you’ve achieved success, had good outcomes and things turned out the way you had hoped. These are great reminders that can dispel self-doubt – or at least quiet it a bit.

The flip side of self-doubt

My friend Lisa Braithwaite, another experienced speaker, had a related experience with a training she did recently. Check out her post about the dangers of complacency that come with experience, and what happens when an expert becomes just a little too overconfident.

http://www.speakschmeak.com/2016/07/i-did-everything-wrong.html

How do you deal with self-doubt? How can you foil that sneaky thief? Share your insights, experiences and advice below.

Where Do You Find Inspiration?

What inspires you? 

Nature? Music? Art? Architecture? 

 

As a leader, it's important to stay inspired and motivated. 

Where do you find inspiration? 

Above are just a few things I've recently found inspiring - a picture my daughter captured of a bee on a flower at a botanical garden; the amazing choir at the University of Utah; poolside desert landscape at a conference in Palm Springs (I'm actually here right now); a fun paint night with my husband (those are two separate paintings that make one - sweet, right?); or even an ornately detailed, 100 year old wooden ceiling in a gorgeous retreat house in Santa Barbara.

I'm also endlessly inspired by others. It's why I love my job so much! Seeing people grow, face their fears, work hard to reach a goal, help others just because.

The possibilities are endless if you're paying attention. When were you last inspired? Chime in with a comment and share an inspiring moment you've had recently.

Gloria & Kim: The Run On Sentence of Us

How did a psychologist-leadership coach join forces with a dramaturg- acting teacher to offer a women's writing retreat? It all started when Kim was my student writing her business plan at Women's Economic Ventures. We hit it off immediately! She wrote her business plan and launched her amazing studio. I took her writing and acting class as a way to challenge myself to be more creative. When we ran into each other a few momths later at a leadership retreat, we knew we had a butt kicking combination of gifts to share with the world. 

This run-on sentence guest post from Kim Maxwell will give you a glimpse into "The Story of Us." -gmm

Once upon a time… Okay -- more like actually, for reals… Okay -- more like “So, this is how it happened…”

More like an inspiring back and forth of teacher-becomes-the-student and student-becomes-the-teacher and lunches and coffee dates and shared birthdays and laughter and jokes and art and inspiring stories of our parents and mentors and those who came before and the college-two-step for our kids and my business launching and her business growing and the thriving businesses of our friends filling our lungs with air and light and inspiration and then more lunches and coffees and a serendipitous meeting at a weekend workshop where we say: what if we did this, what if we did that, what if we included naps and what if we and...

“OH-MY-GOD-WHAT-IF-WE...”

…and so we did and so here we are and it’s fun and focused and freeing and fun!

It is the very best of both of our worlds and ideas and words and exercises and love of food and coffee and need for vision and clarity and humor… …and naps. …and helpful checklists.

….and SUPER POWERS.

Join us for our next retreat!

Find Your Voice: A Women's Writing Retreat is a weekend of leadership, laughter and relentless self-care in Ojai, CA at the Kim Maxwell Studio. Free writes and time to unwind and reflect on who you really are and where you want to be as a leader.

More details and registration information at

http://events.r20.constantcontact.com/register/event?oeidk=a07ecqri0iyba26a232&llr=j4c7ncdab

Sponsored by StrongerLeader.com, The Kim Maxwell Studio and Cosmotion.

Don’t Bring a Briefcase to a Ski Resort (or Lessons in Living in the Moment)

I am not a skier. I have never skied. I grew up in sunny Southern California, and despite being only 2 hours from ski resorts where many of my friends flocked to in the winter, my parents were transplanted New Yorkers who didn’t do the outdoor thing. The closest I’ve come to mountain recreation is riding the chair lift to the top of the mountain in the fall at Hunter Mountain in the Catskills. We would go for Oktoberfest. No snow-just beer, polka and autumn leaves.

So when our daughter decided to go to college in Utah, we figured it would be the perfect opportunity for her to try skiing – without us! The U has an amazing outdoor program with discount rentals and ski outings that we encouraged her to take advantage of. How great! She’d get to ski and we wouldn’t have to deal with anything but the cost.

But her first year was hard and busy and she didn’t have time or energy to explore the options before her. So when I was planning to come out to spend a couple of weeks to support her through a rough patch, she asked if I’d take her skiing. Uh, ok.

Obviously the ship has sailed for me to try this sport that’s hard on the knees and ankles. Hurling myself down an icy slope on long planks is NOT my idea of a good time. I’m clumsy enough to fall when walking through a parking lot, no less engaging in a dangerous winter sport.

I arranged for an afternoon lesson for her, complete with equipment and lift ticket. She was so excited!

My plan was to stay in the lodge, watching her and working on some writing projects. I’d been traveling for work for weeks and trying to fit in time to work on our upcoming retreat, Find Your Voice, whenever I could. This seemed like a great opportunity for some down time to get some work done.

My first surprise was parking at the bottom of the hill and taking the Cabriolet lift to the mountain base. The “Cab” was basically an open bucket to stand in that takes you to the mountain base.

How cool!

Actually, cold, especially because I was woefully prepared, with no hat or gloves. I had a cotton scarf and a faux fur headband. I’d be fine! I like the cold, and this was an adventure.

The thing I was most prepared for was work, as I schlepped my canvas briefcase with computer, a couple of books, a water bottle and snacks. I was conspicuously lacking the equipment everyone else had with them. Oh well.

But when we got there, I found out that her lesson was up the mountain (did I mention I have zero experience with skiing or ski resorts?) and I’d be hanging out below. She got on the gondola with the instructor and another student, and off they went.

The gal scanning passes told me I could go up and watch from the upper lodge. Seemed like a good idea.

I got my pass and up I went in an enclosed gondola this time (yay!) with a young woman ready to snow board. As the gondola climbed, it started to snow. And snow harder. Again prepared only with my headband and briefcase, I was wondering what it would be like at the top.

Why was I surprised that there was snow everywhere and no path to walk safely to the lodge? I carefully made my way across the snow pack, with skiers whooshing by. Luckily I was wearing some sturdy boots with good traction (borrowed) and made it in, upright and unscathed.

The place was PACKED with skiers resting, eating, drinking. I wondered if it was a good idea to drink a beer then head back to the slopes!

Little kids were sleeping sitting upright. There were lots of families, couples and folks ranging in age from 5 to 75. I saw where the lessons were taking place and spotted my daughter. Cool! Now I just needed to find a window spot where I could settle in to watch and get some work done.

I soon realized that work wasn’t going to happen. When my daughter was out of view, I was too fascinated with all the people dressed in their bulky, awkward clothes, dealing with the skis, the cold, the equipment. I watched the people in the snow board lesson struggling to stand up, compared to the more experienced skiers effortlessly gliding down the hill.  It was one of those “to each his own” life lessons and left me thinking, “One man’s pain is another man’s pleasure.

I actually started to appreciate how this was thrilling for so many. The snow would come down hard, then clear in a moment’s notice. It was really beautiful. I could see the allure of being outside in such a gorgeous place, speeding down a mountain.

I also appreciated seeing my daughter head up a ski lift for the first time and spotting her about 20 minutes later skiing down the hill. She was on her feet and had a big smile on her face. Off they went, back to the chair lift.

I walked outside and stood there, briefcase over my shoulder, waiting for them to come back. At this point, it was snowing pretty hard again, but I was getting used to the drill, watching for speeding skiers, sweeping the accumulating snow off my briefcase (at least my water stayed cold!).

After she took one more run, all by herself this time, the slopes were closing, so we headed back down the mountain in the enclosed gondola. She had an amazing time, fell in love with the sport and did really well.  The snow continued to pick up as we descended.

After she returned her equipment, it was time to get back to the car. She was carrying helmet, goggles, ski pants.

I was still clutching my briefcase, which by this time was covered in snow.

Back to the Cabriolet, this time down the mountain in a pelting snow squall.

When we got back to the car and I shook the glaze of snow from my head, I also shook my head at myself for trying to do too much instead of just enjoying the moment.

I ended up loving the experience but didn’t need the literal baggage I took with me.

It was a lesson in not overextending. Just staying in the moment, unplugging and enjoying my surroundings.

It’s also one of the reasons we are offering the Find Your Voice Women’s Writing and Leadership Retreat. I know I’m not the only one who’s schlepped work somewhere to try to multitask when what I really needed was to unplug, unwind and reflect.

We are providing a weekend of writing, leadership development, yoga breaks, healthy foods and connection with a group of like-minded women in a beautiful, supportive setting in Ojai, CA May 13-15.

Want to know more? Click here for all the details.

Mixing Paint - And Leadership

Do you ever feel the need to be more creative? When’s the last time you tried something new, like ceramics, drawing or painting? At the beginning of the year, I decided to make time for more creative and artistic endeavors, and painting was calling my name. I had no idea where it would lead, but I knew I needed to let go a little and do more with the more creative part of my brain.

So I signed up for a month-long, weekly watercolor class. As I was learning to paint, I started making connections between art, creativity and the way I approach a new situation or project. Issues around taking action, dealing with frustration, perfectionism and going with the flow all came up while I was painting . You can see some of my paintings and read more about the leadership lessons I learned here.

Six months later, I am running workshops that integrate leadership development and painting. Designed to help people use their creative potential to become stronger leaders, The Art of Stronger Leadership workshop is born!

The fact is I’ve been using art in my training for years. You can always find me in possession of a big bag of markers and giant sticky notes at a workshop. Draw your strengths or your vision; create a mind map; decorate a puzzle piece; draw your ideal day, etc., etc.

Drawing helps translate words into images and can create a more quiet, relaxed mind. You can lose track of time, get into what you're doing and let your mind wander. Combining words, images and the movement of drawing can result in new insights, increased creativity, more clarity and greater focus. Even doodling can help you process information more efficiently as you activate more parts of your brain.

Coloring is also enjoying a resurgence, with adult coloring books among Amazon's top sellers. And look what I saw in the entry of Barnes and Noble the other day. Coloring is a great stress reliever and leads to greater imagination, creativity and freer thinking.

You probably won’t be surprised that I came up with the idea for the Art of Stronger Leadership while painting and decided to take action and offer it to other leaders who want to get more creative.

Creative Connections

On the day of the workshop, all the elements were in place. I was working in an art studio with two professional artists who were there to lend their technical and creative expertise to the painters. A diverse group of women registered to attend. I was ready with a great agenda, handouts and, of course, snacks.

As people arrived at the studio, their excitement was palpable. A few had recently gone to painting classes, so they were primed (get it??) to paint again. Another claimed she was “not creative” but looked forward to an opportunity to see what she could do with paint. Another hadn’t picked up a brush since elementary school.

Half of the women were entrepreneurs with their own businesses, and the other half held a leadership role in nonprofit or for profit organizations.  They all had one thing in common: an interest in clarifying and strengthening their leadership style and vision through painting.

Reflect, Envision and Create

After introductions, snacks, and a brief presentation, the workshop had three phases:

• Reflect on what makes you a stronger leader
• Envision your future as the leader you want to be
• Create a painting that captures your positive view of the future

Reflect. Using a process inspired by Appreciative Inquiry, each person recounted a “peak” leadership experience. Think of a time when you were at your best as a leader. Recall the details and circumstances of what went well and how you did it. What strengths did you use? Who else was involved?

The exercise was an interview that proved to be a powerful experience for all. Learning from your past success is a positive foundation when you begin to visualize what you want in the future. Also, sharing your success with someone else can be uplifting for both interviewer and interviewee. One participant said,

“I loved the way we discovered our vision and story through the interview. It was great to tell someone my dreams and vision and also wonderful to hear about my partner’s peak experience as a leader.”

The interview concluded with a question about wishes for leadership in the future, especially in the context of the peak experience. Where do you want to see more of those success experiences in your leadership style? Maybe you want to be more collaborative or manage a larger team. Maybe you want to change your position altogether. Determine what you want, and turn it into a wish.

Envision. The interview about the peak leadership experience and three wishes set the stage for a guided visualization. Picture where you want to be as a leader in 5 or 10 years. What will your life look like when your future wishes and aspirations have come true?

This vision and the images related to it became the basis of the painting.

Create. The moment everyone was waiting for: painting a piece that represents your vision and wishes for yourself as a leader. After sketching some ideas, time to put paint to canvas.

Some jumped right in and started painting. Others needed more support, guidance and time to decide where to start. Especially for those who hadn't painted, they experienced varying levels of uncertainty (“Where do I start? What do I do next?"), frustration (“This does not look how I want it to.” "Can I have another canvas?") and ultimately acceptance and appreciation (“That really captures my feeling.” “I kinda like the shading of the green on that hill.” “That's not so bad.”).

Having artists work with them helped build confidence and learn some technical skills that helped them paint the images they imagined.

Masterpieces

I was blown away by the beauty, depth and insights achieved in these painting.

One painter realized one of her goals as a leader was to incorporate more joy into her life and leadership style. Her painting reflected this.

Another realized that while she always strived to create abundance for her clients, she was less focused on creating abundance for herself.

Another realized she needed to focus more on the harmony of her team and how people's individual strengths could complement each other more effectively

Another painted a colorful landscape with birds representing the carefree members of her team.

So fun!

I love the wonder and surprise you feel when you create something unexpected through art. The sense of accomplishment when you say, “I made that.” One of the more hesitant participants said, “The creative outlet is fantastic – I got soooo out of my zone.”

That's what it's all about.

Are you ready to get out of your comfort zone, get creative and see where it leads you? You might surprise yourself! Share your experience in the comments. You can also post a picture of your recent artistic endeavors at www.facebook.com/optimaldevelopmentcoaching. How do art, creativity and imagination make you a stronger leader?

If you're in the area and would like to explore your strengths, goals and leadership vision through art, join us for the Art of Stronger Leadership.

Our next workshop is scheduled! Click on the dates below for more information.

Monday, February 29th, 5:30pm-9pm

The Art of Stronger Leadership: 7 Leadership Lessons From Learning to Paint

Do you feel like you spend too much time in your head? Wish you had a creative outlet? As a leader you can get tethered to the office, your computer, the phone or the conference room and may neglect your more creative side. Over the past couple of years, I’ve been trying to bring more of my fun, imaginative side to my work. Many years of technical writing and presenting in academia developed habits that are hard to break. Now, as a trainer and coach, I want to bring more play to what I do for me and my clients.

And if what I see on social media is any indication, a lot of people are getting excited about flexing their creative muscles. Painting studios are popping up everywhere, as are craft nights, photography tours and workshops, dance classes and all kinds of opportunities to find the right fit to make time to get your creative juices flowing.

I’ve taken a writing and acting class (www.kimmaxwellstudio.com) that was fantastic (more about that continuing collaboration in another post about the Finding Your Voice) with free writes and acting exercises that really pushed me beyond my comfort zone while marveling at the talents of the others in the class.

I also took a watercolor painting class and LOVED it – I was even happy with my first piece of art: a watercolor painting of a rose.

I starting taking more lessons this year and have learned so much about painting, color and composition but also about myself, my style and how the creative process can inform my work as a trainer and a leader. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned about leadership from painting:

1. Get the right tools. Before I started, my painting teacher sent me a supply list of the types and sizes of brushes, colors and brands of paint and even type of paper I should invest in to get the most out of class. I went to a local craft's store, but they didn’t have a lot of what I was looking for. I picked up a few things, some better than others, and figured, “How bad can they be?”

Well, I answered that question quickly when one brush started shedding bristles almost immediately. The inferior paper didn’t take the pigment the way the good one did, and some of the paints weren’t as vibrant as others.

As a leader, you have to have the right tools too. That might be a computer program, a new piece of equipment or a new hire who’s the right person for the job. Never underestimate the importance of investing in the best tools to get the job done.

2. Get a mentor. With any new endeavor, it helps to have a guide who has more experience than you do. Mary-Gail King has been my instructor, teacher and mentor in all things painting. She shares the technical skills I need to learn but even more importantly helps me find my own style and strengths as a painter. She also shows me how to make my vision a reality and pushes me out of my comfort zone.

As a leader, you are a coach and mentor to your team. Helping to support them and their strengths is a key aspect of that role. But you also need your own support system- a mentor, a coach or a master mind group to give you that support and perspective to help you do your best. There's nothing like some objective feedback from like-minded people.

3. Be patient. Watercolors can be tricky. If you paint next to a part of the piece that’s still wet, paint can run into the next area. Sometimes this effect can be awesome; other times, it can feel like a disaster.

It’s so hard to wait-like watching water come to a boil or watching paint dry (Actually, it IS watching paint dry).

As a leader, you also need to be patient. Working on projects, learning new skills, reaching a goal, developing an employee, can take time. Patience is a virtue that may require some practice.

4. Get some distance. Every painting can benefit from stepping away to gain more perspective. You can get a whole new view of a painting, bringing to light where it needs some more detail, color, texture or shading.

As a leader, you can always benefit from a little distance. Maybe you need to literally step back from a situation and let others work it out. Maybe you need a break. Or maybe just a fresh set of eyes and objective ear to process what your next steps will be.

5. Take action. Sometimes you just need to start. When I sit down to paint, I don’t always feel ready. I chat and look at colors and play around before putting paint to paper. Often it’s better if I get something going.

In a recent class, I was hemming and hawing and realized I needed to be “a woman of action.” It was a perfect metaphor for a number of other things going on that I was pussyfooting around about and not getting accomplished. That conclusion released my productivity in so many other areas. I’m a woman of action. Woohoo!!

Every leader needs to be decisive, and some situations require fast action. Developing the confidence to make a quick yet thoughtful decision takes some practice, experience and the ability to listen to your gut. Painting has definitely helped me do that.

6. It’s ok to make mistakes. We all make mistakes, especially when trying something new. As a novice painter, I make plenty of them. I’m still not exactly sure about the color wheel and types of paints, so my work can go in an unintended direction. What to do?

• Sometimes you can fix it. A little blot of a paper towel or wet brush can help.
• Sometimes you just need to start over. My first still life included a bunch of beets that started to look obscene. When I showed it to my teenage daughter, we both laughed so hard we literally ended up on the floor crying. I had to take the loss and move on.
• Sometimes you just need to accept a mistake and keep going. In a burst of excitement, I splashed some water on my favorite painting, leaving a mark in the sweet spot of the sunset. Oh well. Trying to fix it could result in worse, so I decided to leave it as a feature of the piece and put the brush down.

As a leader, it can be hard to walk away, to recognize when a situation is worth salvaging or needs to be let go. No matter what the solution, it’s always important to own your mistakes, learn from them, and move on.

7. Set aside time for growth. We don’t always make the time we need to flex our creative muscles, but it’s so good to give another part of your brain a chance to get a workout. Just like setting time aside to exercise, review financials or do performance reviews, it's important to set aside time to be creative.

I’ve committed to myself a few hours a week of a painting class, writing class or some other artistic endeavor to keep those juices flowing.

Here’s my favorite piece so far. I’m really proud of the work and feel like it does make me a stronger leader by being more attuned to the moment and more responsive to others. Plus the image just makes me feel good.

Do you want to get in touch with your creative side? Would you like to see how getting out of your head can make you a stronger leader?

I’m collaborating with two artists - my painting teacher, Mary-Gail, and Connie Schuh, owner of a local painting studio www.paintblankcanvas.com - to offer a new workshop: The Art of Stronger Leadership: Paint Your Vision.

This 3-hour course (June 4th, 6-9pm) will help you get in touch with your strengths as a leader through stories and art. We’ll use your leadership successes and dreams as a catalyst to inspire and fuel your creativity. You’ll come out with more confidence, a piece of original artwork and some of your own lessons about the art of stronger leadership.

Space is limited to 20, so check out the registration information here.

How has art inspired your work and your capacity as a leader? Please share your thoughts (or art!) below.

The Year of the Coach and Other Professional Development Trends for 2015

Wondering what’s hot in leadership development and talent management for 2015? I attended a webinar hosted by The Marcus Buckingham Company (TMBC), a leader in strengths-based professional development, and I’m excited to report the trends as predicted by TMBC founder Marcus Buckingham and CEO Jason Averbook. As a strengths zealot and longtime follower of Marcus and his work, I wanted to hear what these guys see as relevant for talent management this year. TMBC is calling for a radical shift in the way we manage people (more on The Year of the Coach below), and noted 5 trends for 2015.

1. Personalization – Remember how excited you’d get when you were a kid and found a little license plate or key chain with your name on it? Or how disappointed you'd be when your not so common name was nowhere to be found (i.e., Gloria)? And how super excited you were when you finally found one? Everyone wants a personalized experience, including in the workplace. It captures our attention, like those little license plates.

The personalization trend in talent development can be implemented by providing training and coaching that’s individualized, intimate and focused on the person, not the organization.

Buckingham gave the example of personalization in onboarding, which should be less about why the company is great and more about why the person is a great fit for the organization. We need to focus more on our people's strengths and let them see how they can be an asset to our organization.

Jason Averbook said it well:

This is the power of a strengths-based approach: it sets the stage for a personalized coaching experience, focused on the unique strengths of each individual on the team.

What’s your vision for increasing employee engagement this year? How can you get the best out of each member of the team with a personalized approach? What do you think would happen if you asked each person what would help them work at their best?

2. Focus on the team leader. You know that the team leader is the one who makes things happen. Without that local oversight and structure, a project can fall apart. The team leader sets the tone, creates structure and motivation and brings together performance and engagement.

TMBC suggests it’s time to go micro. If we’re measuring employee engagement, we need to be asking the right questions of the right people at the right time, related to the projects people are working on, the teams where people are functioning. And the team leader is central to this process of increasing engagement.

The trend is to give team leaders the tools they need to function at their best and to offer personalized advice, coaching and recommendations for action to their teams. That's what will create more effective organizations.

#3. The shift from Big Data to the Right Data. Over the past year, big data has been a big thing, with technology tools enabling us to cull information across millions of data points. But that boils everything down to an average mass of information.

Remember trend #1? Big data is far from personalized.

Another issue with the data we typically collect is the amount of evaluation error in the multi-source performance appraisal (e.g., 360 degree assessment). We keep using these tools, assuming that with enough time and training, we can teach people to reliably rate others on their performance.

However, recent studies reveal that no matter how much time and training, we can never become reliable raters of someone else’s performance. Our ratings are considered to be part of an "idiosyncratic rater effect" which is more about us than the people we're rating. About 61% of a rating can be attributed to this type of bias (if you're interested in the research, you can access it here).

That’s a lot. And makes you realize we need to rethink the tools we’re using. Again, a strengths-based, personalized approach can help us collect and apply the right data to help people work at their best.

#4. Feedback is not coaching. Thank you, Marcus! This is an important distinction to make. Feedback is typically focused on the details of what’s not succeeding in what you're doing now. It's threatening, typically unwelcome and evokes defensiveness. Not good!

Coaching is typically focused on the future, a productive process that looks at strengths, successes and solutions. It's the type of positive attention we all seek. Attention that makes us better.

In fact, Marcus proclaimed 2015 The Year of the Coach.

He said, "We'll see companies more and more realizing that coaching is the fastest way to excellent performance." Can you imagine a sports team without a coach? A musician without a teacher or conductor? We don't question that coaching helps elicit and amplify a person's talents. People flourish into excellent performance with an excellent teacher or coach.

So this year, TMBC sees the trend of providing coach training for team leaders (see #2). According to a live poll of the webinar viewers, about 85% of managers spend less than 25% of their time coaching. How can we improve those numbers to help each member of the team be more effective and get the personalized coaching he or she needs?

The Year of the Coach!

I liked Buckingham’s suggestion to establish a coaching ritual to get team leaders and members in the habit of regular and ongoing coaching. It can be as little as 10 minutes a week, as long as it’s focused on strengths and helping people reach their project goals.

How can you practically implement coaching at a scale that’s needed in your organization? TMBC forecasts training that consists of simple, quick and usable learning modules that teach coaching skills. I like it!

#5 – Technology. The final trend is technology, which is an integral part of our lives.  This is how we work now, so this is how we should be helping people be at their best.

Expect mobile technology that will provide relevant information personalized (there's that word again) based on a set of assessment results. Think of an autoresponder, where you can schedule and drip personalized content to people based on their interests. This is becoming widely used in changing behavior in many realms, including healthcare, with programs that push health information based on your specific medical concern, whether diabetes, obesity or heart disease. An app can send a pushed message about  making healthy food choices in the late afternoon, when someone is considering what to have for dinner.

For professional development, TMBC is already doing this with the StandOut assessment and program. And they recently partnered with SurveyMonkey, so no doubt more cool stuff is on the horizon.

I think these trends are exciting and spot on. The discussion was rich and full of examples, too many to mention here.

If you'd like to view the entire webinar, check out the recording on YouTube: http://youtu.be/QCcRfHkJE_g

And come back for Part 2 of this post, “Putting Trends into Action."

Wondering how to implement these trends in your own organization? Give me a call at 805-482-1625 or send me an email at gmiele@optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com and I’d be happy to help you find the right solutions to be on trend in talent management in 2015.

Are Your Strengths Part of the Puzzle?

I love facilitating workshops and retreats, especially with teams who want to make the most of what they're doing by focusing on their strengths: those things they do best and love to do most.

A strengths retreat, like the one pictured at left, can be a breath of fresh air for an organization and an opportunity to bring out the best in everyone.

This retreat for a local real estate team brought together agents, brokers, marketing staff, interns and lenders to spend a morning learning a lot about themselves, each other and creating a strategy to apply their strengths to achieve their sales and marketing goals in the coming year. Each person took Gallup's StrengthsFinder 2.0 before the workshop and came ready to explore and apply their Top 5 strengths themes with their colleagues.

In the "Your Piece of the Puzzle" activity, each person decorated a blank puzzle piece to represent their strengths. The finished product, pictured above,captures each person's unique, creative style as well as the how they come together as a whole. I framed the puzzle, which now hangs in their office as a terrific reminder of the day and their contributions.

What are 2-3 strengths you bring to your team? List them below. Not sure? You can learn more about your strengths by downloading my free e-workbook (see the upper right hand side of the page) . If you're interested in finding out more about a strengths-based workshop or retreat for your team or organization, let me know!

Living a Double Life

I’m in transition: re-evaluating, evolving, exploring and reinventing a long career exclusively involved with helping people learn and better themselves. I started teaching piano when I was 15 and from there never stopped tutoring, mentoring, coaching, treating, educating, inspiring, motivating, connecting and supporting others. It's just what I do. It's what I've always done as a teacher, tutor, mentor, coach, psychologist, supervisor, trainer, speaker and leader.

Over the last five years building my coaching practice, I've continued to work as a training director and consultant on national research projects to develop and test effective treatments for people with addictions, something I've been doing in one way or another since 1990.

When I received my coach certification through the College of Executive Coaching, I imagined a 1-2 year transition out of research and into a full time coaching practice.

It hasn't worked out exactly how I imagined.

In fact, I've been living a double life.

Locally, I am known in the business community: the owner of Optimal Development Coaching, a vice chair on the board of the Camarillo Chamber of Commerce, Instructor for Women’s Economic Ventures Self Employment Training class, a master mind facilitator, speaker and workshop leader with a focus on strengths. I belong to a number of organizations supporting the arts, education and the empowerment of women and girls. I'm a Girl Scout leader and active volunteer in my area.

But to my colleagues in the mental health community I've been a part of for so many years, I'm known as a master trainer, conference and webinar presenter, published author, psychologist, clinical and research supervisor, grant reviewer, curriculum developer, workgroup leader and instructor of clinical psychology at Columbia University.

See what I mean by a double life?

So now I'm bringing it all together with a variety of different projects, all of which still involve training, educating and coaching. I’m working on national initiatives to educate treatment providers about telehealth, i.e., the use of technology to improve treatment outcomes. This is cutting edge, research-based work that has relevance for changes in our health system as we implement the Affordable Care Act. My goal is to develop tech-savvy leaders in health care.

I will continue to offer workshops and facilitate retreats and team building events focused on developing collaborative, strengths-based, emotionally intelligent people and organizations. I'm excited to collaborate with Susan Ross at the Good Vibe Studio, an amazing work, music and meeting space in Thousand Oaks, CA, a great option to tap into creativity at a personal or professional development event.

Susan and I are also students and zealots of the master mind, each coming at it from different, yet complementary perspectives. For the last few months, we've been running a master mind group at the Studio. What a joy it is to watch these business owners benefit from the collective genius the mastermind brings to brainstorm, problem-solve and create and reach their goals - even the audacious ones!

We meet the third Wednesday of the month, with a 3rd Monday group forming. It's perfect for small business owners who are looking to finish the year strong with a plan to hit the ground running in 2014. Through the end of 2013, a 3-month block of sessions, which includes the monthly mastermind as well as personalized follow-up and feedback, is $149. I'm happy to send more details.

I'm working on two books for 2014 publication. The Optimal Development Leadership System  will bring together work on strengths, emotional intelligence, team building and other important facets of being an effective leader. It's a collection of research-based best practices in effective leadership. 

The ABCs of the Master Mind is a collaboration with my dear friend and colleague Cheri Ruskus as a result of co-hosting Victory Circles Radio Hour on the first Wednesday of each month. We always develop an acronym to help listeners understand the different mindset principles that Napoleon Hill drafted in Think and Grow Rich.

As my path continues to evolve and shift, as I reinvent myself, I'm sure I’ll be updating you again soon.

Do you ever feel like you're living a double life? What's your recent reinvention? Any guidance for me on my journey? Questions about my changing path? I'd love to hear from you.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, trainer and executive coach who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success.  She also offers training and coaching programs to develop tech-savvy leaders in health care. To learn more, visit  www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com where you can sign up to receive a free tool to optimize your strengths. 

Emotionally Intelligent Leadership

Given my training as a psychologist, I’ve spent a good part of my career attending to the emotional states and wellness of others.  As I transitioned into coaching, I was immediately drawn to the concept of emotional intelligence and its impact on business success.  As I reflect on my own professional success and that of my clients, I come back to the importance of strong relationships in business development.  EI is a powerful concept and tool in developing relationships that lead to business success.

When psychologist Daniel Goleman published the breakthrough book, Emotional Intelligence, he presented compelling evidence that Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a better predictor of success that IQ, creating a tremendous buzz in the corporate world.  When matched for cognitive intelligence (e.g., IQ) and job-related skills, people with higher EI outperform those with lower EI.  High EQ (emotional intelligence quotient) is associated with increased profitability, productivity, sales, morale, cooperation and employee retention.

What is EI and why is it important in being a good leader? 

Goleman defines EI as “the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others; for motivating ourselves; for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”

In a teleseminar I led for a group of experts in leadership development, I asked them to describe the ideal boss.  The following characteristics emerged:  integrity, leads from head and heart; self-aware; they look at you while they listen; fully engaged when in a conversation; empathic; great mentors; lead by example; good communicator; visionary.  The majority of these qualities are elements of emotionally intelligent leadership – “resonant” leaders connect with and try to take the perspective of others, are supportive, understanding and have a clear vision.

You can basically think of EI as having four components: two relating to self (personal competence) and two relating to others (social competence).

1. Self awareness.  The core principle of EI, this includes emotional self-awareness, accurate self-assessment and self-confidence.  Leaders who are aware of their internal responses and are self-confident are in a better position to understand others.  Do you know your triggers and predispositions?  The more self-aware you become, the better leader you can be.
2. Self management. The next principle in the personal competencies of EI includes self-regulation and motivation. Emotional control, adaptability, initiative and conscientiousness are qualities included here.  Good leaders pause, reflect then choose ways to act in a controlled, thoughtful way.
3. Social awareness.  Moving into the realm of understanding others, good leaders are empathic and have an emotional understanding of and concern for their team.  They can hear the feelings behind what someone says.  On a macro level, this includes awareness of the emotional landscape and culture of an organization.  Leaders with high social awareness tend to use active listening skills and can find commonalities across people and situations.  They put themselves in the other person’s shoes.
4. Relationship management.  Here’s where the rubber meets the road in a leader’s ability to influence, inspire and develop others.  Those strong in relationship management build collaborative, effective teams, know how to deal with conflict and give constructive feedback.

So what’s your EQ?  Do any of these areas resonate as being a particular strength or needing some additional work?  To take a quiz to learn more about your EQ and receive additional EI resources, email me - gmiele@optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com- and put EQ in the subject line.

As usual, we can learn from Eleanor Roosevelt, an emotionally intelligent leader who said:

“To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.”

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a business development and leadership coach, author, speaker and trainer who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success.  To learn more and receive a free tool to optimize your strengths, sign up to receive our free newsletter at  www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com.

Are You a Servant Leader?

I recently asked readers to share how they volunteer in their communities, and now I'm sharing their stories with you. I love the passion that people have for their causes. I truly believe that as leaders we need to serve others.  There’s a whole movement related to Servant Leadership, a term coined by Robert Greenleaf in his 1970 essay. 

Are you familiar with the concept? From the web site: "Servant leadership is a philosophy and set of practices that enriches the lives of individuals, builds better organizations and ultimately creates a more just and caring world."

A leader needs to be focused on the big picture, the bottom line and the greater good. She's someone who is a good and empathic listener who takes a genuine interest in the people on her team. He is a caring individual who considers positive outcomes that go beyond profit margins and invested in experiences that create purpose and meaning on a bigger scale. 

Here are a few of the ways people are serving their communities:

“I have been a volunteer fitness instructor twice a week for a Women's Ministry at a local church for over 20 years. I love it! :-)”

Rosanne MacDonald, C.Ht.,  www.hypnovitality.com

“I learned about volunteering first from my parents and then from The Foundation of a corporation I worked for. My consulting business contributes at least 5% of total revenue per year in financial support distributed amongst several not-for-profits we've selected, and I donate at least 10% of my professional time (=200+ hours per year) to various organizations I support. I enjoy it and the organizations appreciate it. I recommend setting up a similar program, within the capabilities of the business enterprise, to any business owner interested in giving back.”

Gene Mancini, Environmental Scientist

“Although I haven't been able to spend time actually being with and volunteering for this group, I have a goal to do it soon.  In the mean time I have been raising money to help fund the program.  Achilles International's mission is to enable people with all types of disabilities to participate in mainstream athletics in order to promote personal achievement, enhance self-esteem and lower barriers to living a fulfilling life.  My goal is to be a guide for runners and triathletes who are blind or disabled, and hopefully be a key player in bringing a chapter to Ventura County.   http://www.achillesinternational.org”

Dani Bansen, Runwithdani.com

 “I volunteer with www.WhatCanWe.org, an amazing organization dedicated to helping offset veterinary costs for licensed animal rescues. We are seeking volunteers of all ages and will pair them with mentors who are community and business leaders. Learn more at our website. (And of course, Gloria Miele, with Scouts!)”

Bonnie Quintanilla, Corridor Communications

“[I volunteer] with my church, Crossroads. They do community outreach with the homeless in Oxnard, seniors here in Camarillo, and much more.”

Mary Gillette, Sewbella Memory Quilts

 “I mentor several people continuously, mostly positive psychology students or coaches, write reviews for others, and showcase their work, give to the poor, help out professional organizations, hug everyone I can, and I practice ‘pay it forward’.  As Positive Psychologist Dr. Chris Peterson said, ‘Other People Matter.’”

Judy Krings, www.coachingpositivity.com

"Women’s Economic Ventures!"

Lisa Braithwaite, Public Speaking Coach, www.coachlisab.com (and recent recipient of WEV’’s 2013 Volunteer of the Year award)

Don't you love it?

Some of my favorite volunteer opportunities are with organizations that support the arts, education and the empowerment of women and girls, including Girl Scouts, AAUW, CAPE Charter School and the Camarillo Chamber of Commerce.

What's your favorite way to serve others? What part of the world are you trying to make a better place? I'd love to hear about it below!

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a business development and leadership coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She helps entrepreneurs and other business leaders develop the mind set and the skill set to achieve greater business success through coaching programs, workshops, staff training, executive coaching and keynote speaking.  Visit her website at www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com to sign up to receive helpful business development resources, including a free Strengths-Based Goal-Setting Tool.  You can also connect with us at www.facebook.com/optimaldevelopmentcoaching.