Become a Stronger Leader Through Emotional Intelligence: Social Awareness

Becoming a stronger leader does not happen overnight. It is a continual process built around the core of improving your emotional intelligence. Already improving your Self-Awareness? Time to move onto improving your awareness of others' emotional experience through Social Awareness.

Social Awareness

Moving beyond self-awareness and self-management, a leader observes the behavior of the team. Through social awareness, employees feel heard and appreciated. Weekly meetings are the perfect time to practice active listening. Paraphrasing feelings, content, and meaning, as well as variations within the group are a good way to make members of the team feel heard. Matching and mirroring others people's feelings are also good exercises to being to improve social awareness.

These are skills where empathy is built and developed. Perspective-taking and reflection are key to effective leadership.

Emotional understanding of the team

Good leaders are empathic and have an emotional understanding of and concern for their team. This can be evident in as small a gesture as noticing when an employee is sad or distressed. Facilitate discussions of points of tension and note where the company can make things less stressful.

Awareness of company culture

Hearing and understanding the feelings behind what a colleague or client communicates is represented on a macro level through company culture. Company culture is more than a dress code and Bagel Friday; find out which parts of the mission statement resonate the most with your team. Notice group dynamics and find out what unique strengths and talents each person brings to the team and what keeps them engaged. Set the tone with your own emotionally intelligent style.

Effective managing style

A great leader uses active listening skills and finds commonalities across people and situations. They use self-management and adaptability to guide their team to the desired goal. By practicing self-management and modeling it to newer members of the team, the level of social awareness will raise as each person identifies their motivation.

Which management style works best for your team? Experiment with different methods with strengths and emotional intelligence in mind.

Maximize Your Leadership Potential

Earlier this week I had the pleasure to present a non-profit seminar hosted by the Camarillo Chamber of Commerce. Attendees came to learn how to use their strengths to become stronger leaders and build stronger teams.  One of the takeaways from the presentation is a series of areas where you can focus to maximize your leadership potential. Think about each of these through a lens of strengths. Where do you or your team do well in a specific area? Where do you want to improve?

Maximize Your Leadership Potential Action Steps

Lead with emotional intelligence.  Being self-aware of your emotions will help you tune in to the emotions of your co-workers as well. You will respond in more appropriate ways and create a calmer work environment.

Embrace and prepare for change. Change can be a catalyst for positive growth. When you embrace and prepare for change as the leader in a non-profit, your team will respond better when faced with a new situation. They are taking their cues from you as to whether this change is welcome or unwanted.

Communicate effectively. Clear instructions delivered in a collaborative way can help save time on new projects. Share the information needed to give your team a focus and shared goal. Create an environment where questions are welcomed.

Foster teamwork and collaboration. Encourage your team to trust and rely on one another by assigning projects that can benefit from multiple viewpoints. Reward the group as a whole for a job well done rather than singling out individual contributions.

Be a coach. Encourage the growth of every member on your team. You want to share in their success and be there to celebrate their achievements. Give your staff the tools they need to improve their skills.

Practice self-care. Model the importance of scheduling time off after completing a big project. Allow yourself to savor a job well done without racing back to the next task on your to do list.

How can you put these steps into action for yourself and your team?

Love Means Wanting to Say You're Sorry

Valentine's Day is coming up soon and love is on the mind of many. From red greeting cards and balloons to boxes of chocolates and bouquets of roses, expressions of love are being marketed as tangible goods to be bought. In healthy relationships, love is shown in a multitude of ways in addition to thoughtful gifts.

Love Means Wanting to Say You're Sorry

The 1970 movie Love Story still has cultural significance decades later. Today the famous line "Love means never having to say you're sorry" is quoted and adapted to cover all manner of transgressions. For those of you too young to have seen the original movie, here's a quick synopsis:

In the movie, the characters Jenny and Oliver are friends with vastly different socioeconomic backgrounds who fall in love to the dismay of Oliver's wealthy parents. When Oliver is disowned for choosing Jenny over his wealth and status, the couple begins to build their life together. After a big fight, Jenny says "Love means never having to say you're sorry" to Oliver when he tries apologizing for his anger.

Jenny and Oliver's relationship is not an ideal representation of a healthy marriage and it's not meant to be. Off the silver screen, relationships are complicated and full of personal idiosyncrasies. With my clients, the focus is on improving leadership skills in a business setting. Showing leadership at home and in our personal lives is as important as becoming a stronger leader at work.

This Valentine's Day you can show love at home and at the office by practicing these habits:

• Active Listening A person feels loved when they feel valued. Actively listening to someone when they are speaking is vital to deepening a relationship. In business, active listening can give you added insight into the needs and wants of your customer. In life, active listening does the same for your loved one, whether family member, friend, or spouse.
• Develop Empathy Flex your Emotional Intelligence muscle and focus on understanding the emotions and motivations of those around you. Consider the situation from their point of view and try to respond in a loving way. Empathy does not mean agreeing on everything; it means validating the other person's feelings and making their voice feel heard.
• Apologize Wanting to say you are sorry is a big step toward taking accountability for your actions. If you have hurt someone, an employee, spouse or partner, you need to make amends. When you make a mistake, set aside your ego and acknowledge the severity of your mistake and how it has impacted those around you. Share a sincere apology for the problem and together make a plan for how to move forward.

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you, dear readers. I hope that the holiday finds you sharing love and feeling loved. Thank you for reading.

Bonus: Do you know that Love Story has the line "Love means never having to say you're sorry" once again in the film? You will have to watch the movie to find it. No spoilers here.

Self-care or Millennial Narcissism?

Our local university has a new president, the second in the school’s history, so this is a big deal! She has inherited an outstanding legacy left by the first president. Now it’s her turn to make it her own.

She’s a high profile leader with an exciting and demanding new job. She’s getting to know her community, and we’re getting to know her. She’s been connecting with students, faculty and staff in various ways. She clearly has a lot to attend to. Imagine the learning curve!!

The media and the university have been reporting on her first few months as everyone gets to know her. Of course the media coverage includes some personal interest stories. One was a feature article in the “Outdoors” section of the local paper that highlights people in the community and how they take advantage of the beautiful place we live. Totally appropriate.

I thought it was a great piece that told a brief story of how she makes time for her family, herself and her work by getting outside in Ventura County: hiking, surfing and even doing yoga.

I was delighted to learn how she prioritizes time to recharge and focus on self-care.

How cool!

I decided to look at the comments on the article, and I was shocked. Instead of giving kudos to this local leader, the comments were pretty harsh. “She should be doing her job, not doing yoga.” “Who cares about what she does in her free time?” “What is she doing for the students?”

WHAT?

Internet trolls

The criticism around self-care was staggering. Why shouldn’t she take care of herself? Enjoy her surroundings? Play with her kids? Surf with the students? I’m sure she’s working hard. This article was about how she gets outside.

I couldn’t bite my tongue. Here’s the thread:

Self-aggrandizing, millennial narcissism?  Wow.

Is this what people think about self-care?

No wonder we run ourselves into the ground.

Trolls Don’t Exist ONLY on the Internet

We can also have “internet trolls” in our heads.

I’ve heard it from my clients. I can’t take care of myself. I don’t have the time. I have too much to do. It’s selfish. I have to take care of ([PERSON] [TASK] [EVERYTHING OTHER THAN SELF]).

I do it myself. I schedule time into my day and week to regroup, recharge and take care of me. And I advise my clients to do the same.

That’s not lazy, self-absorbed, narcissism. It’s biology. The body needs down time to recover, all the way to regenerating the neurotransmitters in the brain. Ironically (or not), CSUCI faculty is studying self-care in nurses. Research shows nurses with better self-care deliver better care to others and are less apt to develop compassion fatigue and burnout.

Those are powerful results.

Because if you're taking care of body, mind and spirit, you are not bad or selfish. You are keeping your cup full.

Because you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Dr. Erika Beck has a lot of pouring to do as a new university President. I’m glad to know she’s keeping her cup full.

How do you make time for self-care? How do you address the internet trolls in your head?

8 Ways to be a Stronger Leader

When you go to work every day, do you have the chance to do what you do best, what you love to do most, and what gets you excited, motivated and ready to dive in? If that’s how you feel, great! You’re working to your strengths, which means you are probably more productive, more engaged and even happier than those who aren't able to use their strengths on a regular basis.

When you know your own strengths, you’ll start focusing more on the strengths of others. It’s inevitable. It will change your perspective about how you work at your best and how to bring out the best in your team.

I didn't always think this way. In fact, I spent the first 20 years of my career focused almost entirely on what was wrong with people.

As a psychologist developing mental health assessment tools, I figured out ways to measure people's symptoms, pathology and disorders. I even worked on the "bible" of diagnosis: the DSM-IV  (you'll find my name in the Acknowledgments - got the job as a grad student  and enjoyed years of intensive learning [and pathologizing] for the greater good).

But at a certain point, I didn't want to look through the lens of weakness and pathology any more.

In my coach training, I learned about positive psychology and strengths-based approaches from other psychologists and mental health providers who had already shifted their perspective.

What surprised me was not that focusing on strengths had a positive impact  but that so few people were applying a strengths-based approach to leadership. Organizations often put too much emphasis on the areas where you need to improve instead of the areas where you're already doing well and where extra emphasis could make you a star performer.

So whether you're in charge of a small work group or an entire division, here are 8 ways you can be a stronger leader and create a dynamic team that's more efficient, engaged and satisfied,

Use a Strengths-Based Approach. Am I repeating myself? Of course, you want to start with your strengths - that sweet spot between what you do well and what you love to do. Understanding your strengths and the strengths of others sets the tone to bring out the best in everyone.

I recommend taking the Strengthsfinder 2.0 from the Gallup organization to learn your Top 5.  You can also get the workbook I use with my clients,  "Use Your Strengths to Reach Your Goals," as my strengths-based gift to you!

Develop Emotional intelligence (EI). EI is the ability to understand yourself and others, as well as manage your own emotions and respond appropriately to those of others.

Some refer to it as a “soft skill,” but EI accounts for the majority of success in top leaders, far more than IQ. While your innate intelligence (IQ) is to an extent fixed, your EQ can be enhanced and improved. Using your strengths to enhance your EQ can give you an edge as a top performer.

Do you know what's a great indicator of EQ? Gratitude. Expressing your appreciation is an indicator of all four components of EI. People want to be appreciated, and good leaders know that a simple thank you can go a long way.

Embrace and Prepare for Change. Like death and taxes, change is inevitable. Especially as a leader, you have to be adept at managing change, communicating the need for change clearly, understanding the steps involved and engaging others in the process. If you lead change using your strengths and the strengths of others involved in the change process, you can navigate change much more smoothly.

Communicate effectively. Good communication is key for stronger leaders. You need to be a good listener, give effective feedback and be able to address conflict head on. Another important skill related to communication is empathy. Being attuned to someone else's perspective can really help you connect, understand concerns and address them in a way that makes sense, in turn improving communication. Good stuff!

Foster Teamwork and Collaboration. Teams come alive when each member is working to their strengths. Being a strength-based leader will help you create a team that’s working at its best! Cooperative relationship-building is an asset in any task, and in developing a team, it is essential.

Practice Self Care. It’s not discussed much as a leadership skill, but self-care is an important component in leading others. When you take time for yourself, you get to recharge. Plus you’re setting a good example for others. Do you schedule breaks in the day, times to step away from what you’re doing to rejuvenate and recharge? Do you run? Do yoga? Meditate? Get a regular massage? Schedule time off?How do you take care of yourself?

Unleash Creativity. A great leader is a visionary who thinks outside the box (or realizes there are no boxes at all). What are your creative strengths? How do you get your creative juices flowing? Stimulating different areas of the brain can be extremely liberating. What’s your creative outlet?

I find that one particular app on my phone helps me be more creative: the camera. I've taken some great iPhone photography classes and love to capture pictures of flowers, sunsets and clouds (you'll find a few photos of the dog and the kid on my Camera Roll too). I keep thinking I should invest in a "real" camera, but I get a whole lot of mileage from the one that's always in my pocket. Here's a recent capture.

Be a Coach. Great leaders empower and motivate others, and there are few more effective ways to do so than to focus on the strengths of your employees. What are they great at? What do they love to do?

Help others understand and leverage their strengths more in everything they're doing. Learn to be a developer (yes, one of my Top 5). Help set strengths-based goals (which, by the way, are easier to achieve!) and an accountability plan.

Which of these elements come naturally to you as a leader? Which need some additional focus? How do you see your strengths working for you as a leader?

If you want to bring out the best in yourself and your team, connect with us on social media for ongoing resources and updates on strengths-based leadership and other professional development training programs.  For email updates, enter your information above (we NEVER spam) and download a free e-workbook to start putting your strengths to work right away.

You can also read more on my thoughts about strengths-based leadership in this in depth interview in the Strengths-Based Leader's Toolkit.

When Self-Doubt Sneaks Up on You

Have you ever doubted yourself?

Of course that's a rhetorical question. Everyone has self-doubt, usually a negative, undermining force that can stop you in your tracks. You get all caught up in your head. You might start ruminating or obsessing. It can get so overblown that you lose touch with reality.

I had an episode of it recently. I was working on a contract developing a training program for health care providers. As part of the development process, I’d deliver the 3-hour training to pilot test the curriculum with trainees and funders.

I'm a pretty confident gal, especially when it comes to training. I’ve been around the block a time or two, and I’m known for being good at what I do. Some might say I’m at the top of my game.

Self-doubt can be kryptonite to your confidence.

I was kind of surprised when I couldn't shake off the self-doubt I had about my materials and my approach. I was questioning how good my presentation was. Were my slides interesting enough? Would I capture and keep the audience's attention? Would I present the information in an understandable way? Did I have enough interactivity? Would I help people think about how to apply the material? So many questions!!

The venue was also different than I’d anticipated. When I heard “pilot testing,” I thought about 20 people with extended time for discussion and feedback.

Imagine my surprise when I found 100 people in a huge, classroom style auditorium.

Did I mention they were also videotaping it for use in their online learning center?

My bad for not confirming all these details, so I was thrown.

I was also presenting after my friend and colleague of 15 years, a master trainer who has been doing this for as long as I have. Of course he was funny, engaging, informative and professional. That’s why he’s a master!

And his slides were full of cool animations and features mine were lacking.

If self-doubt wasn’t enough, now I had a good dose of slide envy.

My turn.

The first hour of training was dragging by. The group pointed out errors in the slides and had lots of questions. The session wasn’t interactive enough. I was starting to sweat. And I decided to take the break a little early.

One of the funders came rushing to the front of the room as soon as I called the break. I was expecting admonishment.

Instead, he beamed, “Wow, you are an excellent trainer.” He pointed to the trainees:  ‘They are right with you, completely engaged.”

Uh, ok. I was taken aback and pleased by the compliment. But was I really that off in my self-assessment? Others approached me at the break with questions, comments and more good feedback. They were definitely engaged.

The break was over, and I continued with the last 90 minutes of the training. We had the feedback session, which acknowledged the need for more photos in my slides, but otherwise, the comments were positive. Afterward, someone told me she saw my passion for the material come through.

The overall assessment was, “Great training.”

Even with all that positive feedback, a confident, experienced and skillful trainer like me was still influenced by niggling self-doubt.

Self-doubt is a thief that tries to rob your confidence.

But it doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.

Self-doubt can be a positive and corrective force, providing a mental quality control of sorts.  Self-doubt keeps you in check: you check your facts, check for typos, check your bank account or check that you locked the front door. A pilot recently told me he experiences self-doubt every time he gets ready to land an airplane, and he considers that a good thing!

How can you extract the benefits of questioning yourself while keeping your self-confidence in tact? Here are a few ideas:

Acknowledge it. We all have moments of self-doubt, so be on the lookout. Practice noticing it. The more you can be aware of it, the more likely you’ll be to take the steps to manage it, integrate it into your experience and move on.

Look at all the data. While the feedback from others at the training was positive I was relying too much on my internal feedback and high expectations. I needed to evaluate what was real and what was a product of my imagination.

I used the feedback to improve the presentation for the final draft. I fixed the errors and added a few more pictures.

Know your limits. It makes sense that I would doubt my ability to do fancy animations because, well, I don’t know how. I could spend hours trying to figure it out, but I know it’s not my forte. I’m lucky to have a member of the team to help out with that. Those are true limits to what I can do. Delegating is great.

Look at past successes. Shake self-doubt by thinking about situations where you did a good job. Ask yourself where you’ve done well and look back objectively at times when you’ve achieved success, had good outcomes and things turned out the way you had hoped. These are great reminders that can dispel self-doubt – or at least quiet it a bit.

The flip side of self-doubt

My friend Lisa Braithwaite, another experienced speaker, had a related experience with a training she did recently. Check out her post about the dangers of complacency that come with experience, and what happens when an expert becomes just a little too overconfident.

http://www.speakschmeak.com/2016/07/i-did-everything-wrong.html

How do you deal with self-doubt? How can you foil that sneaky thief? Share your insights, experiences and advice below.

Where Do You Find Inspiration?

What inspires you? 

Nature? Music? Art? Architecture? 

 

As a leader, it's important to stay inspired and motivated. 

Where do you find inspiration? 

Above are just a few things I've recently found inspiring - a picture my daughter captured of a bee on a flower at a botanical garden; the amazing choir at the University of Utah; poolside desert landscape at a conference in Palm Springs (I'm actually here right now); a fun paint night with my husband (those are two separate paintings that make one - sweet, right?); or even an ornately detailed, 100 year old wooden ceiling in a gorgeous retreat house in Santa Barbara.

I'm also endlessly inspired by others. It's why I love my job so much! Seeing people grow, face their fears, work hard to reach a goal, help others just because.

The possibilities are endless if you're paying attention. When were you last inspired? Chime in with a comment and share an inspiring moment you've had recently.

Gloria & Kim: The Run On Sentence of Us

How did a psychologist-leadership coach join forces with a dramaturg- acting teacher to offer a women's writing retreat? It all started when Kim was my student writing her business plan at Women's Economic Ventures. We hit it off immediately! She wrote her business plan and launched her amazing studio. I took her writing and acting class as a way to challenge myself to be more creative. When we ran into each other a few momths later at a leadership retreat, we knew we had a butt kicking combination of gifts to share with the world. 

This run-on sentence guest post from Kim Maxwell will give you a glimpse into "The Story of Us." -gmm

Once upon a time… Okay -- more like actually, for reals… Okay -- more like “So, this is how it happened…”

More like an inspiring back and forth of teacher-becomes-the-student and student-becomes-the-teacher and lunches and coffee dates and shared birthdays and laughter and jokes and art and inspiring stories of our parents and mentors and those who came before and the college-two-step for our kids and my business launching and her business growing and the thriving businesses of our friends filling our lungs with air and light and inspiration and then more lunches and coffees and a serendipitous meeting at a weekend workshop where we say: what if we did this, what if we did that, what if we included naps and what if we and...

“OH-MY-GOD-WHAT-IF-WE...”

…and so we did and so here we are and it’s fun and focused and freeing and fun!

It is the very best of both of our worlds and ideas and words and exercises and love of food and coffee and need for vision and clarity and humor… …and naps. …and helpful checklists.

….and SUPER POWERS.

Join us for our next retreat!

Find Your Voice: A Women's Writing Retreat is a weekend of leadership, laughter and relentless self-care in Ojai, CA at the Kim Maxwell Studio. Free writes and time to unwind and reflect on who you really are and where you want to be as a leader.

More details and registration information at

http://events.r20.constantcontact.com/register/event?oeidk=a07ecqri0iyba26a232&llr=j4c7ncdab

Sponsored by StrongerLeader.com, The Kim Maxwell Studio and Cosmotion.

Don’t Bring a Briefcase to a Ski Resort (or Lessons in Living in the Moment)

I am not a skier. I have never skied. I grew up in sunny Southern California, and despite being only 2 hours from ski resorts where many of my friends flocked to in the winter, my parents were transplanted New Yorkers who didn’t do the outdoor thing. The closest I’ve come to mountain recreation is riding the chair lift to the top of the mountain in the fall at Hunter Mountain in the Catskills. We would go for Oktoberfest. No snow-just beer, polka and autumn leaves.

So when our daughter decided to go to college in Utah, we figured it would be the perfect opportunity for her to try skiing – without us! The U has an amazing outdoor program with discount rentals and ski outings that we encouraged her to take advantage of. How great! She’d get to ski and we wouldn’t have to deal with anything but the cost.

But her first year was hard and busy and she didn’t have time or energy to explore the options before her. So when I was planning to come out to spend a couple of weeks to support her through a rough patch, she asked if I’d take her skiing. Uh, ok.

Obviously the ship has sailed for me to try this sport that’s hard on the knees and ankles. Hurling myself down an icy slope on long planks is NOT my idea of a good time. I’m clumsy enough to fall when walking through a parking lot, no less engaging in a dangerous winter sport.

I arranged for an afternoon lesson for her, complete with equipment and lift ticket. She was so excited!

My plan was to stay in the lodge, watching her and working on some writing projects. I’d been traveling for work for weeks and trying to fit in time to work on our upcoming retreat, Find Your Voice, whenever I could. This seemed like a great opportunity for some down time to get some work done.

My first surprise was parking at the bottom of the hill and taking the Cabriolet lift to the mountain base. The “Cab” was basically an open bucket to stand in that takes you to the mountain base.

How cool!

Actually, cold, especially because I was woefully prepared, with no hat or gloves. I had a cotton scarf and a faux fur headband. I’d be fine! I like the cold, and this was an adventure.

The thing I was most prepared for was work, as I schlepped my canvas briefcase with computer, a couple of books, a water bottle and snacks. I was conspicuously lacking the equipment everyone else had with them. Oh well.

But when we got there, I found out that her lesson was up the mountain (did I mention I have zero experience with skiing or ski resorts?) and I’d be hanging out below. She got on the gondola with the instructor and another student, and off they went.

The gal scanning passes told me I could go up and watch from the upper lodge. Seemed like a good idea.

I got my pass and up I went in an enclosed gondola this time (yay!) with a young woman ready to snow board. As the gondola climbed, it started to snow. And snow harder. Again prepared only with my headband and briefcase, I was wondering what it would be like at the top.

Why was I surprised that there was snow everywhere and no path to walk safely to the lodge? I carefully made my way across the snow pack, with skiers whooshing by. Luckily I was wearing some sturdy boots with good traction (borrowed) and made it in, upright and unscathed.

The place was PACKED with skiers resting, eating, drinking. I wondered if it was a good idea to drink a beer then head back to the slopes!

Little kids were sleeping sitting upright. There were lots of families, couples and folks ranging in age from 5 to 75. I saw where the lessons were taking place and spotted my daughter. Cool! Now I just needed to find a window spot where I could settle in to watch and get some work done.

I soon realized that work wasn’t going to happen. When my daughter was out of view, I was too fascinated with all the people dressed in their bulky, awkward clothes, dealing with the skis, the cold, the equipment. I watched the people in the snow board lesson struggling to stand up, compared to the more experienced skiers effortlessly gliding down the hill.  It was one of those “to each his own” life lessons and left me thinking, “One man’s pain is another man’s pleasure.

I actually started to appreciate how this was thrilling for so many. The snow would come down hard, then clear in a moment’s notice. It was really beautiful. I could see the allure of being outside in such a gorgeous place, speeding down a mountain.

I also appreciated seeing my daughter head up a ski lift for the first time and spotting her about 20 minutes later skiing down the hill. She was on her feet and had a big smile on her face. Off they went, back to the chair lift.

I walked outside and stood there, briefcase over my shoulder, waiting for them to come back. At this point, it was snowing pretty hard again, but I was getting used to the drill, watching for speeding skiers, sweeping the accumulating snow off my briefcase (at least my water stayed cold!).

After she took one more run, all by herself this time, the slopes were closing, so we headed back down the mountain in the enclosed gondola. She had an amazing time, fell in love with the sport and did really well.  The snow continued to pick up as we descended.

After she returned her equipment, it was time to get back to the car. She was carrying helmet, goggles, ski pants.

I was still clutching my briefcase, which by this time was covered in snow.

Back to the Cabriolet, this time down the mountain in a pelting snow squall.

When we got back to the car and I shook the glaze of snow from my head, I also shook my head at myself for trying to do too much instead of just enjoying the moment.

I ended up loving the experience but didn’t need the literal baggage I took with me.

It was a lesson in not overextending. Just staying in the moment, unplugging and enjoying my surroundings.

It’s also one of the reasons we are offering the Find Your Voice Women’s Writing and Leadership Retreat. I know I’m not the only one who’s schlepped work somewhere to try to multitask when what I really needed was to unplug, unwind and reflect.

We are providing a weekend of writing, leadership development, yoga breaks, healthy foods and connection with a group of like-minded women in a beautiful, supportive setting in Ojai, CA May 13-15.

Want to know more? Click here for all the details.

5 Tips to Keep on Track

 How's the New Year going for you? Here are a few tips to keep you on track this year.

1. Make SMART goals.

If you're familiar with goal setting, you know that SMART goals are Specific, Manageable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-bound. I like to switch that up and make the T Thrilling.

2. Keep giving.

Are you a community volunteer? What are your favorite causes to give your time, talent and treasure? Doing good feels good, and research shows that altruism is good for us an the people we are helping. If you are volunteering with an organization keep doing that. See where else you can give back.

3. Partner up.

You cannot succeed by yourself. Well, maybe you can, but it's a lot harder than when you have support from staff or a coach or your family. Since I've hired someone, I'm definitely more productive and accountable!  Make sure to spend time building your team.

4. Practice self-care.

As a busy entrepreneur and business leader, you can let our own needs be ignored. As they say, "You can't pour from an empty cup," so make sure you put some time into your schedule for you! A quick break during a hectic day can make a big difference. Get up from your desk, taking a short walk or a few breaths for a quick pick me up. How about tapping into your creativity with painting or writing? Getting more exercise? spending time with the people you love?

5. Keep learning.

The most successful leaders are lifelong learners, so keep at it! My dad got his Ph.D. at age 62, and was always studying something. My mom was a teacher and also valued education. No matter your values, you can't be at the top of your game without continued learning. Whether it's formal CEUs or blog posts on new developments in your field, continue to challenge yourself and your mind with new learning opportunities. As a trainer, I'm always learning new things and love passing them along to others. Check our calendar for upcoming events.

What tips would you add to make 2016 a ridiculously good year?

Mixing Paint - And Leadership

Do you ever feel the need to be more creative? When’s the last time you tried something new, like ceramics, drawing or painting? At the beginning of the year, I decided to make time for more creative and artistic endeavors, and painting was calling my name. I had no idea where it would lead, but I knew I needed to let go a little and do more with the more creative part of my brain.

So I signed up for a month-long, weekly watercolor class. As I was learning to paint, I started making connections between art, creativity and the way I approach a new situation or project. Issues around taking action, dealing with frustration, perfectionism and going with the flow all came up while I was painting . You can see some of my paintings and read more about the leadership lessons I learned here.

Six months later, I am running workshops that integrate leadership development and painting. Designed to help people use their creative potential to become stronger leaders, The Art of Stronger Leadership workshop is born!

The fact is I’ve been using art in my training for years. You can always find me in possession of a big bag of markers and giant sticky notes at a workshop. Draw your strengths or your vision; create a mind map; decorate a puzzle piece; draw your ideal day, etc., etc.

Drawing helps translate words into images and can create a more quiet, relaxed mind. You can lose track of time, get into what you're doing and let your mind wander. Combining words, images and the movement of drawing can result in new insights, increased creativity, more clarity and greater focus. Even doodling can help you process information more efficiently as you activate more parts of your brain.

Coloring is also enjoying a resurgence, with adult coloring books among Amazon's top sellers. And look what I saw in the entry of Barnes and Noble the other day. Coloring is a great stress reliever and leads to greater imagination, creativity and freer thinking.

You probably won’t be surprised that I came up with the idea for the Art of Stronger Leadership while painting and decided to take action and offer it to other leaders who want to get more creative.

Creative Connections

On the day of the workshop, all the elements were in place. I was working in an art studio with two professional artists who were there to lend their technical and creative expertise to the painters. A diverse group of women registered to attend. I was ready with a great agenda, handouts and, of course, snacks.

As people arrived at the studio, their excitement was palpable. A few had recently gone to painting classes, so they were primed (get it??) to paint again. Another claimed she was “not creative” but looked forward to an opportunity to see what she could do with paint. Another hadn’t picked up a brush since elementary school.

Half of the women were entrepreneurs with their own businesses, and the other half held a leadership role in nonprofit or for profit organizations.  They all had one thing in common: an interest in clarifying and strengthening their leadership style and vision through painting.

Reflect, Envision and Create

After introductions, snacks, and a brief presentation, the workshop had three phases:

• Reflect on what makes you a stronger leader
• Envision your future as the leader you want to be
• Create a painting that captures your positive view of the future

Reflect. Using a process inspired by Appreciative Inquiry, each person recounted a “peak” leadership experience. Think of a time when you were at your best as a leader. Recall the details and circumstances of what went well and how you did it. What strengths did you use? Who else was involved?

The exercise was an interview that proved to be a powerful experience for all. Learning from your past success is a positive foundation when you begin to visualize what you want in the future. Also, sharing your success with someone else can be uplifting for both interviewer and interviewee. One participant said,

“I loved the way we discovered our vision and story through the interview. It was great to tell someone my dreams and vision and also wonderful to hear about my partner’s peak experience as a leader.”

The interview concluded with a question about wishes for leadership in the future, especially in the context of the peak experience. Where do you want to see more of those success experiences in your leadership style? Maybe you want to be more collaborative or manage a larger team. Maybe you want to change your position altogether. Determine what you want, and turn it into a wish.

Envision. The interview about the peak leadership experience and three wishes set the stage for a guided visualization. Picture where you want to be as a leader in 5 or 10 years. What will your life look like when your future wishes and aspirations have come true?

This vision and the images related to it became the basis of the painting.

Create. The moment everyone was waiting for: painting a piece that represents your vision and wishes for yourself as a leader. After sketching some ideas, time to put paint to canvas.

Some jumped right in and started painting. Others needed more support, guidance and time to decide where to start. Especially for those who hadn't painted, they experienced varying levels of uncertainty (“Where do I start? What do I do next?"), frustration (“This does not look how I want it to.” "Can I have another canvas?") and ultimately acceptance and appreciation (“That really captures my feeling.” “I kinda like the shading of the green on that hill.” “That's not so bad.”).

Having artists work with them helped build confidence and learn some technical skills that helped them paint the images they imagined.

Masterpieces

I was blown away by the beauty, depth and insights achieved in these painting.

One painter realized one of her goals as a leader was to incorporate more joy into her life and leadership style. Her painting reflected this.

Another realized that while she always strived to create abundance for her clients, she was less focused on creating abundance for herself.

Another realized she needed to focus more on the harmony of her team and how people's individual strengths could complement each other more effectively

Another painted a colorful landscape with birds representing the carefree members of her team.

So fun!

I love the wonder and surprise you feel when you create something unexpected through art. The sense of accomplishment when you say, “I made that.” One of the more hesitant participants said, “The creative outlet is fantastic – I got soooo out of my zone.”

That's what it's all about.

Are you ready to get out of your comfort zone, get creative and see where it leads you? You might surprise yourself! Share your experience in the comments. You can also post a picture of your recent artistic endeavors at www.facebook.com/optimaldevelopmentcoaching. How do art, creativity and imagination make you a stronger leader?

If you're in the area and would like to explore your strengths, goals and leadership vision through art, join us for the Art of Stronger Leadership.

Our next workshop is scheduled! Click on the dates below for more information.

Monday, February 29th, 5:30pm-9pm

Thirteen Thoughts for High School Graduates Heading to College

It's graduation season, and this year we've got a high school graduate in the house. It's been a big celebration with lots of excitement about new beginnings and anticipating attending the University of Utah in the fall. Of course we want her to be as prepared as possible, so we've been looking for resources to help her on her way.

What's one piece of advice you'd give to a young adult heading to college?

At a recent meeting, I asked the question of the Camarillo Chamber of Commerce Ambassadors, a group of outgoing, seasoned business people, who shared some excellent ideas for soon to be college Freshmen:

1. Try new things. When you go to college, you are presented with opportunities to take classes with people who are experts in their fields. Yes, you'll get specialized in your major, but make sure you get a chance to study something new and interesting that expands your horizons: Astronomy, Robotics, Anatomy, Comparative Religion, Art History, even Statistics!! Or look for classes like these at your school for some really thought-provoking coursework.

Of course this suggestion to "try new things" got a laugh from the group, since college students try all kinds of new things. So when you do, and we know you will, be responsible and sensible. You know what's right and wrong.  15 people partying on a small balcony is never a good idea. Nor is drinking until you pass out or throw up.  By all means, go out, experiment and have fun, but consider the consequences of all your actions.

So let me climb off my soapbox and paraphrase Mark Twain,

"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do....Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch winds in your sails. Explore Dream."

2. Just show up. When you go to college, you'll have freedoms you've never imagined. No one calls home to tell your parents you missed class, so it can be tempting to blow it off, read the book, borrow a friend's notes and hope for the best. You might pass, but you're missing out on the richness of the college experience, learning from an expert in the field and interactions with others. Just do it!

3. Keep an open mind. You just graduated, and you already have some pretty set beliefs about politics, the environment, religion, music. You have friends with different beliefs, but  you'll encounter an even wider range of perspectives in college. Keep your mind open to possibilities.

4. Embrace the next chapter of your life with positivity. Attitude is everything, and a positive attitude will get you far. Follow your dreams!!

5. Get involved and get to know people. It's never too early to start building your network (you already have begun), so join some different groups, expand your social circles, get to know your professors (use those office hours!!), your RAs and TAs and that kid down the hall with the big hair. And don't forget to set up your LinkedIn profile.

6. Always have a Plan A and Plan B. You may dream of being a prima ballerina with the American Ballet Theatre, and it's awesome to follow your dreams in a single-minded way. However, you've probably already noticed that life doesn't always end up how you expect. Keep doing what you love while considering different options for how to apply it (business manager of a dance company, dance teacher, marketing director for a theatre). You never know where you'll end up.

7. Don't worry. If you take Psych 101, you'll learn there's an optimal level of anxiety that helps you work at your best (aka the Yerkes-Dodson Law). But constant worrying doesn't fall in the zone. Be grateful for every experience and let go of anxiety and worry (you may learn more about how to do that in Psych 201...). Take advantage of the gym, deep breathing and meditation for stress relief.

8. Question popular culture. I hope you already know that just because everyone else is doing it, you don't have to. Question the trends to see what's right for you.

9. Keep volunteering. For the last 4 years (hopefully more), you've been counting up your volunteer hours so you can fill in the blanks on your college apps and show the admissions folks that you're a community service maven. Nice work! You know that giving back feels great, so why stop now? No one's counting any more, but that doesn't mean your efforts don't matter. Find places and causes that are important to you and keep giving of your time and talents, which are treasures. The world needs you.

10. Be true to yourself, especially when your values are challenged. You're still growing and evolving and finding out who you are (that never stops, by the way, it just changes). But you also have a pretty good sense of what's important to you. Your values will be challenged. Question and decide on what's right for you.

11. Take advantage of internship opportunities. While you're learning, meeting new people and growing, you'll want a place to apply those skills. Getting an internship, either between semesters or while you're in school, can be an excellent way to get experience in your field, see what it's like to work in an environment that interests you, and keep building your professional network.

12. Use your strengths. You know those things that you're really good at and love to do?  Those are your strengths, and hopefully your major reflects them. But even in courses and experiences not in your major, make sure to use your strengths.  Are you analytical? Empathic? Strategic? Responsible? Pay attention to the activities, information and relationships that get you most excited. That's a clue to where you'll shine.

13. Ask for help. As the years go by, you have become more and more independent. But that doesn't mean you have to go it alone. Reach out to others, use the resources available to you on campus and off, and run things by your trusted friends and advisers to get input from other sources.

Heard the expression "Two heads are better than one?" Well, it's true for 2, 4 or even 10. That's how I wrote this blog post after all....

One more quote to inspire you:

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." -Henry David Thoreau

Do you have any advice to add? Share in the comments below.

And here's our high school graduate!

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a trainer, speaker and executive coach who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success. Sign up for more resources and updates by entering your email above and receive a free strengths-based goal setting e-workbook. Connect with us on Facebook and Twitter for even more motivating and inspiring resources to become a stronger, more confident leader.

The Year of the Coach and Other Professional Development Trends for 2015

Wondering what’s hot in leadership development and talent management for 2015? I attended a webinar hosted by The Marcus Buckingham Company (TMBC), a leader in strengths-based professional development, and I’m excited to report the trends as predicted by TMBC founder Marcus Buckingham and CEO Jason Averbook. As a strengths zealot and longtime follower of Marcus and his work, I wanted to hear what these guys see as relevant for talent management this year. TMBC is calling for a radical shift in the way we manage people (more on The Year of the Coach below), and noted 5 trends for 2015.

1. Personalization – Remember how excited you’d get when you were a kid and found a little license plate or key chain with your name on it? Or how disappointed you'd be when your not so common name was nowhere to be found (i.e., Gloria)? And how super excited you were when you finally found one? Everyone wants a personalized experience, including in the workplace. It captures our attention, like those little license plates.

The personalization trend in talent development can be implemented by providing training and coaching that’s individualized, intimate and focused on the person, not the organization.

Buckingham gave the example of personalization in onboarding, which should be less about why the company is great and more about why the person is a great fit for the organization. We need to focus more on our people's strengths and let them see how they can be an asset to our organization.

Jason Averbook said it well:

This is the power of a strengths-based approach: it sets the stage for a personalized coaching experience, focused on the unique strengths of each individual on the team.

What’s your vision for increasing employee engagement this year? How can you get the best out of each member of the team with a personalized approach? What do you think would happen if you asked each person what would help them work at their best?

2. Focus on the team leader. You know that the team leader is the one who makes things happen. Without that local oversight and structure, a project can fall apart. The team leader sets the tone, creates structure and motivation and brings together performance and engagement.

TMBC suggests it’s time to go micro. If we’re measuring employee engagement, we need to be asking the right questions of the right people at the right time, related to the projects people are working on, the teams where people are functioning. And the team leader is central to this process of increasing engagement.

The trend is to give team leaders the tools they need to function at their best and to offer personalized advice, coaching and recommendations for action to their teams. That's what will create more effective organizations.

#3. The shift from Big Data to the Right Data. Over the past year, big data has been a big thing, with technology tools enabling us to cull information across millions of data points. But that boils everything down to an average mass of information.

Remember trend #1? Big data is far from personalized.

Another issue with the data we typically collect is the amount of evaluation error in the multi-source performance appraisal (e.g., 360 degree assessment). We keep using these tools, assuming that with enough time and training, we can teach people to reliably rate others on their performance.

However, recent studies reveal that no matter how much time and training, we can never become reliable raters of someone else’s performance. Our ratings are considered to be part of an "idiosyncratic rater effect" which is more about us than the people we're rating. About 61% of a rating can be attributed to this type of bias (if you're interested in the research, you can access it here).

That’s a lot. And makes you realize we need to rethink the tools we’re using. Again, a strengths-based, personalized approach can help us collect and apply the right data to help people work at their best.

#4. Feedback is not coaching. Thank you, Marcus! This is an important distinction to make. Feedback is typically focused on the details of what’s not succeeding in what you're doing now. It's threatening, typically unwelcome and evokes defensiveness. Not good!

Coaching is typically focused on the future, a productive process that looks at strengths, successes and solutions. It's the type of positive attention we all seek. Attention that makes us better.

In fact, Marcus proclaimed 2015 The Year of the Coach.

He said, "We'll see companies more and more realizing that coaching is the fastest way to excellent performance." Can you imagine a sports team without a coach? A musician without a teacher or conductor? We don't question that coaching helps elicit and amplify a person's talents. People flourish into excellent performance with an excellent teacher or coach.

So this year, TMBC sees the trend of providing coach training for team leaders (see #2). According to a live poll of the webinar viewers, about 85% of managers spend less than 25% of their time coaching. How can we improve those numbers to help each member of the team be more effective and get the personalized coaching he or she needs?

The Year of the Coach!

I liked Buckingham’s suggestion to establish a coaching ritual to get team leaders and members in the habit of regular and ongoing coaching. It can be as little as 10 minutes a week, as long as it’s focused on strengths and helping people reach their project goals.

How can you practically implement coaching at a scale that’s needed in your organization? TMBC forecasts training that consists of simple, quick and usable learning modules that teach coaching skills. I like it!

#5 – Technology. The final trend is technology, which is an integral part of our lives.  This is how we work now, so this is how we should be helping people be at their best.

Expect mobile technology that will provide relevant information personalized (there's that word again) based on a set of assessment results. Think of an autoresponder, where you can schedule and drip personalized content to people based on their interests. This is becoming widely used in changing behavior in many realms, including healthcare, with programs that push health information based on your specific medical concern, whether diabetes, obesity or heart disease. An app can send a pushed message about  making healthy food choices in the late afternoon, when someone is considering what to have for dinner.

For professional development, TMBC is already doing this with the StandOut assessment and program. And they recently partnered with SurveyMonkey, so no doubt more cool stuff is on the horizon.

I think these trends are exciting and spot on. The discussion was rich and full of examples, too many to mention here.

If you'd like to view the entire webinar, check out the recording on YouTube: http://youtu.be/QCcRfHkJE_g

And come back for Part 2 of this post, “Putting Trends into Action."

Wondering how to implement these trends in your own organization? Give me a call at 805-482-1625 or send me an email at gmiele@optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com and I’d be happy to help you find the right solutions to be on trend in talent management in 2015.

The Positive Post-It Project

You're walking through a crowded park on a beautiful spring evening, and a young women comes up to you with a smile and says, "I want you to have this." She hands you a large post-it note that says, "You're great." What would you do? Say? Think? This happened to me the other day in Washington Square Park in NYC. I was a little taken aback but when I saw what it was and the smile on her face, I said, "You're great too!" She walked away toward a group of people holding large poster boards. I had to find out what was up.

She was participating in an NYU student psychology project called #positiviepostitproject (yes, hashtag and all).

These students were in a class learning about positive psychology (WHAT?) and trying to put it into practice by giving a post-it with positive message to passersby and asking them to pass it along to someone else  in the park to see what the effect was.

Of course I was "in," and convinced my friend to do the same. I picked one that said  "You're Awesome. Rock on," so I decided to give it to someone I saw with a guitar on his back. I tapped him on the shoulder and handed him the note. He stood there for a long time looking at it but didn't turn back to me or say anything.

Ok. Not what I was expecting. But it's a stranger in a park in NY. You never know what to expect.

On the other hand, my friend gave his to a couple who loved it. I looked over at them and they were smiling broadly, clearly tickled by this positive message from a stranger.

I also was tickled by the idea, the students and that they were learning about positive psychology, a topic near and dear to my heart!

So if you're not familiar, here are a few facts about positivity from the book of the same name by Barbara Fredrickson, a psychologist who has devoted her career to understanding the effect of positive emotions.

• Positivity feels good. I loved getting the “You’re Great” post-it, and the couple in the park loved their positive message.  Simple but true, positivity feels good.
• Positivity changes how your mind works.  Do you think differently when you’re in a good mood? Numerous studies have found that a positive mental state results in more creativity, attentiveness, open-mindedness and expanded thinking.  Those are powerful results. Definitely worth the effort and focus on a more positive attitude.
• Positivity transforms your future. When it comes to positivity, the effects go beyond the mental benefits.  Researchers at University of Pittsburgh looked at rates of death and chronic health conditions among participants of the Women's Health Initiative study, which has followed more than 100,000 women ages 50 and over since 1994.  Women who were optimistic - those who expeced good rather than bad things to happen -  were 14 percent less likely to die from any cause than pessimists and 30 percent less likely to die from heart disease after eight years of follow up in the study. Optimists also were less likely to have high blood pressure, diabetes or smoke cigarettes.
• Positivity puts the brakes on negativity. Think about it. When you’re in a good mood, you close out the negative. It’s like there’s no room for that when you’re focused on what’s going well.
• Positivity obeys a tipping point. Fredrickson’s research has also shown that there’s an optimal ratio of positive to negative emotions in order to experience true happiness:  3 positive emotions to 1 negative emotion.  This is not a Pollyannish view of the world.  Her model accounts for the naturally occurring negativity in all our lives but focuses on the need to skew toward the positive. People with this 3:1 ratio experience more happiness and life satisfaction. Good stuff!
• You can increase your positivity. There are lots of ways to do so. Go for a walk. Enjoy nature. Play with a puppy. Look at pictures of kittens. Spend time with someone you love. Focus on what you’re grateful for. Compliment someone or give them a positive post-it! Focus on your strengths and successes. You get the idea.

How will you boost your positivity ratio? Let us know below! You can also search the #positivepostitproject on Instagram and see what those crazy kids are up to!