Gratitude

Last week, I attended the 2013 Camarillo Chamber Top 10 Community Awards, where I had the distinct honor of being named, "Woman of the Year."  I so appreciate the wonderful recognition of my work in the community.  The gala on March 22nd at Spanish Hills Country Club in Camarillo was a night to remember, with family and friends and nine other honorees being recognized.  I had a very special evening and am deeply grateful. Below is a video that includes my acceptance speech (written transcript below), preceded by a touching tribute to the late Michael Lavenant, a partner at Landegger, Baron, Lavenant & Ingber, the law firm that sponsored the Woman of the Year award.  Michael suddenly and tragically passed away in December 2012 at the age of 42 and would have presented the award that night.  He was an amazing humanitarian, dedicated to his family and community, and the recipient of Volunteer of the Year in 2009. He is greatly missed.  Associate Chris Moriarty, Esq., graciously presented the award.

Transcript:

"Thank you. What an honor, I want to congratulate all of the other award winners tonight. And thanks to the Chamber for throwing us an awesome party. I also want to thank the Top 10 committee and my colleagues who nominated me for this honor.

I really want to accept this award for the literally hundreds of other women, many of whom are in this room, in this town, who could easily be Woman of the Year. Women who run businesses, women who run households, women who run their kids all over town.  Women who volunteer in the schools, who lead Girl Scout troops, who serve on the boards and committees of the amazing service organizations that we have here. I've never been in a community where there's been such a spirit of service, and I share this with all of you ladies, for all you do in our community and for your families.

I also want to recognize my daughter, Natalie, who couldn't be here tonight because she's off living her dream with her high school choir in Chicago. My husband and I dropped her off at 3 o clock this morning for the bus, and honey, I think we look pretty good considering how sleep deprived we are.

And I do want to recognize my husband, Dave Epelone, the man with the camera.  To find a partner who can support an over-committed, over-achieving person like myself has been a real blessing in my life. So thank you honey, It's been nearly 25 years that you've been supporting me, through graduate school and everything else, and I couldn't do what I do without you.

I also want to recognize my parents: my father, Dr. Patrick Miele, who some of you might know. He was a really inspiring man and a business leader in town. And my mother, the original Gloria Miele. Mom, you've set a life long example of love, faith, family, education and community that has made me woman I am today, so thank you." -Gloria Miele, Ph.D., March 22, 2013, Camarillo, CA.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a business development and leadership coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She helps entrepreneurs and other business leaders develop the mind set and the skill set to achieve greater business success through coaching programs, workshops, staff training, executive coaching and keynote speaking.  Visit her website at www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com to sign up to receive helpful business development resources, including a free Strengths-Based Goal-Setting Tool.  You can also connect with us at www.facebook.com/optimaldevelopmentcoaching.

My Travel Adventure and a New Appreciation of Honoring Time

Tempus fugit - literally, time flees, but colloquially understood as time flies.  

I write this after an experience this morning that really highlighted how time flies, stops for no one and should be rightly honored. I had a 7am flight from LAX to DC on business and decided to take the airport shuttle. I also decided I didn't want to leave at 3am, so I told the dispatcher I needed to be at the airport at 6am. I figured they'd pick me up early enough-you know how those shuttles are. I got the confirmation call for a 4:30am pick up. Even if we have to pick up more people on the way, I thought, we should be fine.

The first surprise was that the driver was almost 15 minutes late. Dang, that cut right into my buffer. He let me know we had two more pick ups: one at the local university and the other in Malibu.

CSUCI is already off the beaten path, but Malibu? I was not expecting that. While PCH at 5am is pretty clear, it also adds time and miles to the trip, so I knew there was no way we'd be getting to the airport by 6. I saw the driver's GPS was estimating 6:20. I had already checked in online and paid to check a bag. Knowing the 45 minute bag check rule, I figured I'd never get on my flight.

So how are you feeling reading this? A little stressed? Then you can imagine how I was feeling: anxious, a bit nauseous and sleep deprived with absolutely no control over the situation. Two main themes were going through my head: blaming self and blaming other.

"I should have given a 5:30 airport arrival time. 6:00 was too close. What was I thinking? Oh no-I have to pee! I should have gone one more time before leaving the house. I shouldn't have had that other cup of coffee. I might have to ask him to stop. There's no time! " Alternating with, "If the driver hadn't been so late it would have been fine. Does he even know where he's going. He drove right by my house and didn't even see me in the street waving my arms. And why did they put me in a car going to Malibu?"

Feeling better now? Of course not! neither was I; I was just escalating. I knew I had to quiet my mind. This train of thought was nothing but derailing. Ironically I'm doing a 21-Day Meditation Challenge, but I couldn't clear my head. Instead I tried reasoning with myself. "There's nothing you can do about it now. Just relax and rest and see what happens. You'll deal with whatever happens when you get there." "I should have booked a 5:30 arrival. Man, I have to pee." "Just stop. Breathe, relax. There's nothing else you can do."

I was finally able to calm myself and rest a bit. Acceptance was helping and the only thing I could control. I started picturing myself spending hours at the airport (I had in my head there was an 11am flight), writing this post, thinking about how much reading and writing I'd get done in my down time, that if I had to wait even longer I'd call my friend who lives near the airport and try to meet her for a while. Yeah, everything would work out the way it was supposed to (this is something I generally believe anyway-sometimes it just takes me a while to get there).

The driver pulled up to the terminal, and I ran inside. The greeter told me I was too late for my flight and directed me to the full service line. The agent scanned the boarding pass I had printed at home and the luggage tag came out of the printer. "I can still make it??" It was now 6:30. He looked confused. He didn't think so but having checked in online helped. There were no more flights to DC until tomorrow (WHAT?). He'd check if there were any flights from San Francisco, but I'd have to pay to get there. I was seeing my business trip dissolve before my eyes.

"Let me see if he can walk your bag to the plane." I didn't know what that meant, but it wasn't no, so I was hopeful. He came back, told me it was taken care of, gave me a priority security sticker, and off I ran (my version of running anyway).

I made it through security in under 10 minutes, got to the gate, and they were still boarding. I even had time to stop in the restroom (yes, mind over matter- I had held it all that time!). Have I mentioned how much I love Virgin America? I made sure to tweet them my thanks before the plane doors closed.

@virginamerica thx for getting me onto flight against all odds #108 lax-iad

— Gloria Miele, Ph.D. (@GloriaMiele) March 12, 2013

I boarded the crowded plane. To my delight, there was a spot in the overhead bin right above my seat that was exactly the size of my rolling brief case, AND the middle seat between me and the lady at the window was empty.

You see? Everything does turn out the way it's supposed to.

I settled in and took out a book: The Law of Divine Compensation by Marianne Williamson. One passage after the next resonated: "The laws of time and space are more malleable than we think." LOL, you can say that again! "Mistakes and wrong turns need not throw us off. The capacity for correction is built into the universe." Woah. "Our problem is that we tend to have tremendous faith in the power of our disasters and far too little faith in the power of miracles."

You might say that making my flight was something of a miracle. Maybe getting to that stance of acceptance helped in more ways than I can explain.

But even with my faith in the universe, I can't ignore the fact that I could have done things differently. By not honoring time, I put myself in a stressful situation that could have resulted in inconvenience, lost wages, penalty fees and other unfortunate consequences. Right now I'm feeling gratitude for many people and things: the shuttle driver (he did get me there), the Virgin America staff, my personal resources to handle a stressful situation, Marianne Williamson's timely messages and those mysterious factors in the universe that worked in my favor.

All's well that ends well, right? Especially when there are lessons to learn. And speaking of lessons, I'm going to listen the Victory Circles Radio show I co-hosted last week to remind myself about some of the time honoring concepts we shared. Apparently I need a booster.

What experiences have you had when you didn't honor time and ended up feeling the consequences? Any tips for getting a handle on self-talk or other calming techniques during a stressful situation? Any other travel stories to share?

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a business development and leadership coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She helps entrepreneurs and other business leaders develop the mind set and the skill set to achieve greater business success through coaching programs, workshops, staff training, executive coaching and keynote speeches.  Visit her website at www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com and sign up to receive helpful business development resources, including a free Strengths-Based Goal-Setting Tool.  We can also connect at www.facebook.com/optimaldevelopmentcoaching.

Is It Time to Reinvent?

Financial planner turned café owner, physicist turned financial planner, marketing executive turned astrologer. psychologist turned business consultant. Stories of professional reinvention are inspiring and becoming more common. 

But reinvention doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be subtle. Have you shifted your focus in your career, business or relationships? Taken up a new passion or past time?

Over the last few years, many people have found themselves in situations that might be outside their control and require a quick shift to get some new momentum.

Working in professional development, I hear lots of these reinvention stories from people of all ages, especially baby boomers.

For the past 6 months, I’ve been working with colleagues from the fields of law, finance, mediation, nursing and travel to present a workshop, Reinventing Your Life after 50. Each session has been a full house, another indication of the popularity of the topic. Attendees have been a range of men and women, employed, unemployed and retired, volunteers or just interested in learning more about making a change.

As the keynote speaker, I present the overview of the workshop and considerations in reinventing In the workplace,  First off, there’s good news and bad news for baby boomers (I’ve resisted being considered one for years, but I’m starting to cave). The good news: the unemployment rate is lower in those over 50 than for the general population. The bad news: when people over 50 are out of work, they are out of work for longer. When they re-enter the work force, their salaries decrease by nearly 25%.

Whether or not you’re reinventing, and no matter what your age, here are a few important points to consider. Each has to do with understanding yourself, your preferences and your behavior (I’m still a psychologist after all). In the coming weeks, we’ll look more closely at each. In the meantime, here’s my 3-part recommendation:

1. Know your strengths. Yes, it’s my favorite topic. But as long as you’re thinking of taking a different path, you might as well travel on one where you’re using your key skills and talents as well as doing what you love to do. “Find out what you do well and do more of it.” Sound advice from the founder of strengths psychology, Donald Clifton. 2. Understand your values. Values are important beliefs, attitudes and philosophies that influence the way we live our lives. When you do things that are value-driven, they are more meaningful and ultimately attainable than those that may not match your value system. 3. Consider your unique personality. Also known as your character, traits and temperament, your personality is made up of a set of characteristics that influence the way you see, feel and behave in the world. You might be outgoing, detail oriented, logical, intuitive or a combination of these and a host of others. The important thing is to know your preferences and respect them.

What’s your reinvention story? Share yours below.  Mine can be found on the Bio page of my web site.  And watch for the next blog post about reinventing yourself based on your strengths.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a business development and leadership coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She helps entrepreneurs and other business leaders develop the mind set and the skill set to achieve greater business success through coaching programs, workshops, staff training, executive coaching and keynote speeches.  Visit her website at www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com and sign up to receive helpful business development resources, including a free Strengths-Based Goal-Setting Tool.  We can also connect at www.facebook.com/optimaldevelopmentcoaching.

Who Do You Love?

Ok, so that George Thorogood song is stuck in my head now.  How about yours? Forget George Thorogood.  I'm talking about who you really love.  Especially around Valentine's Day, we think about and celebrate those we love with flowers, candy, dinner and other romantic gifts.  While some people hate it, others love, love, love it.

If you think about it, we can be pretty quick to profess our love for all kinds of things.  "I love you, honey."  "I love my mom," "I love to travel." "I love those shoes!"  Love can take many forms, and we hand it out generously.

But one place we tend to skimp in the love department is with one very special person: ourselves.  Instead, we are often our own harshest critic.

And what happens when we're self-critical?  We can lose our self-confidence (not coincidentally the Victory Circles Master Mind Principle for February).  You might have heard of negative self-talk?  Well, this is a great example.

To get a handle on negative self-talk, start by making a more conscious effort to notice it.  Yes, awareness is the first step.  Then the next time you notice that inner critic coming down on you, just reply, "no thanks" and let it go.

Instead give yourself a break!  One helpful perspective is to think about what you'd say to a friend who was being so hard on herself.  Hmm.  You'd probably be pretty supportive and empathic and try to do something to make her feel better.  You'd be kind, gentle, loving and compassionate, wouldn't you?

Of course you would.  And you can do that for yourself.  Be kind, gentle, loving and compassionate to yourself.  Now that's true love.

How do you make sure you're more compassionate and loving toward yourself?  Share below if you're inclined or leave other thoughts or even a Valentine's Day wish.

Back to George Thorogood.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love, Gloria

 

Put Your 2011 Top 10 to Good Use

Posted December 31, 2011Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: 2011, 2012, Goals, New Year, resolutions, Strengths, TED, TEDx, Top 10

 

It’s the last day of 2011, and I’ve been enjoying reading a number of Top 10 lists for the year.  I thought I’d put my own together but use it as a guide post to the intentions I have in 2012.

No matter how you look back on the previous year, I highly recommend focusing on those things that went well and using them to guide, inspire and motivate you as you reflect on your goals and wishes for the year ahead.

So, in that spirit, I’ve compiled my top 10 for 2011 (in chronological order) and related intentions for 2012:

1.  Keys to Your Future – Girl Scout Leadership Conference.  As a member of the planning team and then the MC for the event, I thoroughly enjoyed being part of a program that exposed girls to concepts about their own strengths and the strengths and talents of other women who are outstanding career and life role models.  Between the many speakers, self-care activities, practical tips and expanding relationships, the two-day event was a winner.

Intention for 2012:  Continue to play a role mentoring and inspiring girls and young women through the Girl Scout program; coordinate and conduct more retreats and conferences.

2.  Teenage Daughter Milestones.  Our daughter Natalie turned 14, went to Washington DC with her 8th grade class, got a prime scholarship to a summer vocal institute, started high school and is LOVING it, and earned her Girl Scout Silver Award, the highest honor for her level of scouting.  So proud of the bright, talented, caring young woman she is becoming.

Intention for 2012.  Keep supporting her and nurturing her independence (man, that part can be hard) as she continues to grow and flourish.

3.  Meet and Greet with Cheri Ruskus.  I was delighted to welcome my friend, colleague and mentor Cheri Ruskus, founder of the  Victory Circles, to California this summer. Since we have the only VC group in the state, I was very excited to introduce VC members and others in my network to Cheri while she was visiting from Colorado.  See blog post below for pictures and all the details!

Intention for 2012.  Continue growing the VC program locally and virtually. Write more blog posts (geez).

4.  Family Vacation!  In August, 16 of us, aged 14-83, converged in Lake Tahoe for a rare but very fun multi-family vacation.  My mother, four of her first cousins, spouses and kids, my aunt, two of my first cousins, my husband and daughter enjoyed beautiful Lake Tahoe for the better part of a week.

Intention for 2012.  Stay connected with family all over the country. Travel to beautiful places whenever possible.

5.  Instructor, Women’s Economic Ventures.  When I saw that WEV was looking for instructors, I didn’t hesitate to apply.  Already teaching business planning to women entrepreneurs in Victory Circles, I was excited to align myself with such a great organization.  After a rigorous interviewing and vetting process, I was offered the position and really enjoyed teaching the 14-week class, helping some really inspiring and inspired people get their business plans in order.

Intention for 2012:  I was asked back to teach the Spring course (yay!), so I get to continue teaching, which I love, and helping people get their businesses off the ground (also very gratifying).

6.  NYC High Line.  Every trip I take to NYC is special, because I get to spend time in my favorite city with some of my favorite people:  family and friends who are far away but close at heart.  This year, after a trip a month earlier was cancelled by a hurricane, I made it back to see my cousins and take a walk on the High Line, a beautiful urban outdoor space (hey, I did write another blog post in the past 6 months!).

Intention for 2012.  Make it back to New York at least once.  Make the time and effort to stay close with those who are important to me.

7.  Ventura AIDS Walk.  This year I was appointed to the Advisory Council of Ventura County AIDS Partnership, an organization I’ve volunteered with for the past few years.  I also participated in my first AIDS Walk, which was a very uplifting event that brought hundreds of diverse people together.  We raised nearly $20,000 – not bad for the first time VCAP ran such a large event.

Intention for 2012.  Continue to volunteer for VCAP and raise awareness to prevent HIV and AIDS.

8.  Paper Published.  The first paper from a research project I’ve been involved in for nearly 3 years was published in an academic journal.  It’s always nice to see that work come to fruition.  A number of talks and posters have already been accepted for 2012 conferences.

Intention for 2012.  Continue working with colleagues to publish and present more papers in 2012, including one I’m leading on the use of new media tools in clinical research.

9.  TEDxOjaiWomen Speaker - What I Learned from Being a Girl Scout.  When Jodi Womack announced that she and Darina Stoyanova were organizing a TEDxOjaiWomen, I immediately emailed her to see if she needed any additional speakers.  As a woman who strongly encourages you to ask for what you want, Jodi responded in kind and said she could carve out 5-7 minutes.  ”I’ll take it!”  What a phenomenal opportunity and an inspiring event in the context of dozens of amazing talks and topics (also see www.TEDxWomen.org for the full program).

Intention for 2012.  One public speaking engagement per month; continue working on my public speaking skills; ask for what I want; book another TED talk!

10.  Business Growing.  2011 was the best year yet for Optimal Development Coaching – more clients,  more followers, more trainings, more consulting opportunities, more earnings.

Intention 2012.  Increase 2011 earnings by 50% (I know, it’s audacious, but I’ve got a plan, and I can make it happen).   If you’d like, you can keep track of what’s going on by visiting my web site or connecting with my on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or Google+.

What a year!  Now it’s your turn.  What are some of your top accomplishments and how can you leverage and build on them to reach your goals in 2012?  I’d love to hear from you.

Wishing you a happy, healthy, prosperous 2012 full of joy and meaning.

All my best, Gloria