Worldwide Linchpin MeetUp Day!

Posted May 18, 2011Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Fear, Lizard brain, Napoleon Hill, Self-confidence, Seth Godin, Strengths, Worldwide Linchpin Day

Did you even know there was such a thing?  Well, Seth Godin started the Linchpin Meetups about a  year ago, encouraging those who read the book Linchpin and consider themselves indispensable leaders to meet with like-minded folks and make things happen.  There’s over 1100 worldwide.  I’ve met some remarkable artists, activists and all around nice people at the meetup in Ventura, launched by Linchpins Donna Von Hoesslin and David Pu’u.

In honor of today’s festivities, I’m re-posting an article I wrote a few months back that was inspired by Seth’s writing on fear and the lizard brain.  Enjoy!

Are You Undermining Your Success? 

Taming the Lizard Brain

By Gloria Miele, Optimal Development Coaching

Have you ever thought, “I need to get out of my own way,” or “I’m my own worst enemy?”  Those kinds of thoughts are a sign that you’re having issues with self-confidence, and your fears are working against you.  In his book, The Laws of Success, Napoleon Hill outlined the six fears that can undermine self-confidence:  Poverty, Criticism, Old Age, Ill Health, Loss of Love and Death.  Which ones resonate most to you?

More recently, marketing genius Seth Godin published his latest book, Linchpin (if you don’t know Seth Godin’s work, you can get a great sample from his daily blog at http://www.sethgodin.typepad.com).  Seth argues that in today’s world, we need to be indispensable, creative artists who work from the heart – to be Linchpins.  Does this sound familiar?  Successful entrepreneurs are linchpins.  You succeed by being bold, bucking the trends, doing something unique and letting your genius emerge to set you apart in the crowded marketplace.

Seth also talks about the fears that get in the way of being the linchpin.  Certain types of thinking can hold you back from taking a risk and putting yourself on the line.  This thinking is rooted in fear and uncertainty and comes from what Seth calls “the lizard brain.”  The lizard brain is the oldest, most primitive part of the brain, driven by survival and fear.   The lizard brain wants you to be safe, not call much attention to yourself and hide from the crowd.

The lizard brain contributes to the undermining thoughts that stop you in your tracks.  They challenge you, doubt you, and question your abilities.  We all have them, and often we don’t even realized they are there – “Who do you think you are?”  “What will people think?”  “Can I really pull this off?”  “What if I embarrass myself?”  “What if I fail?”

All these questions can hold you up, make you pause, keep you from pursuing your dream.  But remember, those messages in your head are just that – in your head.  These are irrational thoughts not based in reality but generated from the lizard brain that wants you to stay safe, warm and well fed under a rock.

If you’re working from your self-confidence, you keep the lizard brain at bay.  You’ll put yourself out there, take a risk, and act in a self-assured way.  Here are a few ways to fuel your self-confidence:

1.     Use Your Strengths. If you know me at all, you know I’m a strengths zealot.  I love working with people, especially entrepreneurs, to help them identify and leverage their strengths.  Think about it – if you’re playing to your strengths and pursuing your passion, you are coming from a place of confidence, assurance and expertise.  You automatically minimize some of the fear, because you’re in your comfort zone.  It’s a great way to give yourself a self-confidence boost.

2.    Practice. Fear is fueled by the unknown.  If you’re not sure about how things are going to go, you can feel anxious and uncomfortable.  The more you practice, the better you’ll be.  Some people are terrified of public speaking, which in turn causes them to avoid it, and they never are able to practice this skill.  Even a 30-second introduction can send them into a tail spin.  By writing out your introduction and practicing in advance, you’ll be much more prepared.  The more you do it, the more confident you’ll become.

3.     Just do it.  Aside from being one of the most successful and recognizable slogans in advertising history, this directive from Nike’s ad agency applies far beyond reaching your fitness goals.  Sometimes you just need to take the plunge.  Avoid the quest for perfection – it’s unattainable and will stop you from moving forward.  Be good enough.  Let yourself feel your success.  That is what builds your self-confidence.  Here’s a great example where the wish for perfection can stop your progress – video marketing.  If you’re waiting for that “perfect” take, you may never get your video program started.  “I sounded funny.”  “My hair doesn’t look good.”  “Do I really have that many wrinkles around my eyes?”  Do a few takes and upload that video.  We’d all love to see it!

4.    Tame your lizard brain.  By now, you’ve got a good idea of some of the thoughts and motives that hold you back.  It’s important to be aware of the fear but don’t act on it.  Recognize the fear (“Oh, yeah, I’m procrastinating writing this article because I’m caught up in the perfection game.”) but then move beyond it.  No one will be as critical as you are.  Give yourself a break.  Let it go.  Do something big and exciting

Put the lizard in its place.  Start with what you do best and move forward from there.  Post that video. Write that blog post.  Make that sales call.  Be a linchpin!  The more you do, the more confident you’ll become.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a Business Development and Leadership Coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She is passionate about helping others discover and develop their strengths to achieve greater business success.  Sign up for her newsletter at www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com to receive a free tool to optimize your strengths.

Featured Networker: Jodi Womack of Women’s Business Social

Do you know Jodi Womack? If you’re a woman business owner who lives in Ojai or other parts of Ventura County, you very well might. But her reach goes far beyond the county. Not only is she an international speaker on networking and business development, she has created a women’s networking group, The Women’s Business Social (WBS), that has grown quickly in the last 18 months. I spoke to Jodi in August, when she and her husband and business partner, Jason Womack (www.womackcompany.com), were spending the month in Lake Tahoe, catching up on writing, business planning and some R&R. I asked why she started WBS in February 2009. “I kept hearing doom and gloom about the economy and decided to bring women together to help figure it out.” The momentum has been powerful. The first meeting was 13 women; the second 45. And the numbers continue to grow, as word has traveled, especially through social media, with over 100 women in attendance each month from Ventura County and beyond. “Women have a hunger and desire to come together.” The Women’s Business Social Facebook page has nearly 1100 “likes,” so there are many women who are interested.

When I attended the WBS in May, I was delighted to meet such a diverse and friendly group at the lovely Lavender Inn in Ojai, the location of the next WBS on Wednesday, September 15. Women are invited to display and share promotional materials while mingling and networking in a relaxed, low-key environment. Aside from a few words of welcome, there are no awkward introductions or speeches – just a fun, comfortable couple of hours to connect.

Earlier this year Jodi applied to be a speaker at the Women’s International Networking conference in Paris. Over 50 WBS devotees wrote recommendations and letters of support, touting the benefits of WBS. Her proposal was accepted, and she’ll be speaking at W.I.N. next month. She’ll be discussing the WBS model and the impact of face-to-face networking for women’s business development. “Networking is a skill we can practice and master,” she said. “We’re smarter together. It’s important to share what we’re doing so we all get better.”

If you follow Jodi on social media, you know she spends a lot of time in coffee shops and typically finds a favorite that she’ll frequent wherever she goes (when she’s home, you can find her most mornings at the Ojai Coffee Roasting Company). “I love the connections that happen in coffee shops. It’s a way to build relationships that’s informal and authentic – coming together family style.”

Jodi continues to create quite a community – family style – by reaching out not only through social media but also at these in person events. She’s done a great job bringing women together to support each other and their businesses when we need it the most. Stay in the loop about future socials and Jodi’s other activities at www.facebook.com/nomorenylons. You can also learn more about other women’s networking events in Ventura County by checking the VC Women’s Networking Connection calendar.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. (www.OptimalDevelopmentCoaching.com), is a business development and leadership coach, speaker and trainer who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success. She also runs mastermind groups for women entrepreneurs in Ventura County. You can sign up for business building tips and updates on Ventura County women’s networking events at her web site, or connect with her on Facebook www.facebook.com/optimaldevelopmentcoaching.

Memories of 9/11

On the 9th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks, I reflect on memories of my experience that day and the days following.  As with all significant, out of the ordinary events, most of us have vivid memories of where we were and what we were doing.  Feel free to share yours below.

I lived in NYC on September 11, 2001, but I wasn’t in the city that day.  Instead, my colleagues and I were at a national meeting in Crystal City, Maryland, across the highway from the Pentagon. We felt the hotel shake when the plane hit.  Soon after, we smelled smoke.  The building was locked down.  Like many others, we could do nothing but wait and watch the horrifying images on a big screen.

While phone service was limited for the first few hours, I felt reasonably certain that my daughter was safe at her preschool in upper Manhattan, over 10 miles from Ground Zero.  I had hoped that my husband was still in the city, but, when I finally reached him, I learned he had crossed the bridge soon after the first tower was hit and was stuck in New Jersey.  He ended up driving over 100 miles out of the way and taking 4 hours for a typical 18 mile, 30 minute trip home.  He had to ditch the car in the Bronx and make his way by livery cab and foot back to Manhattan.  6 hours later, he picked up our daughter and made it home.

Back in DC, the trains weren’t running; the airports were closed.  People at the meeting started talking about carpools to Ohio, Kentucky, Michigan and Florida.  I was able to leave the hotel that night and stayed with friends in DC, relieved for the comfort of good friends in familiar surroundings, away from the destruction and chaos that were so closeby.  Then I had to figure out how to get home.

I was able to get a train back to NYC on September 12^th.  I’ll never forget the first glimpse of the two giant pillars of smoke rising from Ground Zero as the train made its way through New Jersey toward Manhattan.  The towers were gone.  The smoke and sky where the towers once stood were like a huge scar.  I will never forget these images and memories from those unfathomable days.

I’ll also never forget the changes that took place in the city after 9/11.  Everything was quieter, a startling change in a city of deafening overstimulation.  Planes weren’t flying over head , a very strange occurrence on an island with waterways that serve as giant flight paths for 3 major and multiple smaller airports in the area.  Only the occasional roar of fighter jets circling the city was heard, extremely unsettling after the air attacks.

People were also quieter.  We all seemed to be whispering.  We were also making more eye contact than is usual for New Yorkers.  Sometimes the glances were suspicious, but mostly they were supportive and sympathetic, looking for a connection, an understanding smile, or a little reassurance.

The Friday after the towers fell, I was coming home from my office in the early evening (I was working as a psychologist at the time and spent many months processing the events of September 11th with my hospital clinic and private practice patients).  I would normally take a 30-minute subway ride, but I preferred to stay above ground for while and ended up taking mainly buses and cabs for almost 2 months after the attacks.  The bus ride home would take about an hour.  My only concern was that I’d miss the candlelight vigil scheduled for 7pm.  I was hoping to participate at the park in the close-knit neighborhood where I lived, but as the bus continued its stops, it became clear I wasn’t going to make it.  At a stop in West Harlem, around 138^thStreet and Broadway, I saw people gathering in front of an apartment complex.  I jumped off the bus, ran across the street and joined the growing group.

A woman had a basket full of candles and was handing them out to the crowd.  Most people were speaking Spanish.  The woman with the basket started talking to me.  I told her I lived uptown but had seen the gathering from the bus and wanted to be with others for the vigil.  We shared our sadness for those who had perished and concern for the hundreds who were missing.  People started lighting each other’s candles.  The woman started the ceremony.   She spoke to the crowd, well over 100 people, in Spanish and English.  She turned and asked if I thought we should say a prayer.  “That sounds nice,” I said.  “What’s your name?”  she asked?  I told her, and she turned to the crowd and said, “Gloria has joined us and will lead us in a prayer.”  She turned back to me and asked, “Do you speak Spanish?”  “Uh, no…”, I replied.  “That’s ok, I’ll translate.”

I wish I remember what I said.  At that time in my life, I wasn’t praying too regularly, so I was a bit out of practice and certainly taken aback.  I just started talking – I know I prayed for the victims and their families, peace and healing for us all.  As I spoke, the woman with the basket translated.  When I was finished, she made a few more comments, then invited others to offer intentions.  People prayed for friends, family, friends of friends, firefighters.  People held hands and cried.

After 10 or 15 minutes, a noticed a cab pulling up near the corner.  Cabs could be hard to come by at the time, so I slipped away, got in the car and continued toward home.

I will never forget those moments on a street corner, part of a group of total strangers from diverse cultures, classes and backgrounds, sharing the grief, fear and concern that brought us together that night for a little comfort during such a stressful and frightening time.   I will never forget the feelings of hope, unity and peace that night; the feeling of connection to others;  a degree of pride and love for my country that I had never felt before; and the gratitude and sorrow for those who courageously lost their lives and for the thousands of innocent victims whose lives were changed forever.

All of our lives were changed forever on September 11th.  Today I pray for our continued healing.  And I pray for more peace, love and unity in the world that can also change our lives forever.

 Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a business development and leadership coach, speaker and trainer who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success.  You can reach her through her web site  www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com.

Ventura County Professional Women's Network

While a surprising number of women’s networking groups have popped up over the past year and a half (more on that in another post), Ventura County Professional Women’s Network (VCPWN) has been in existence for almost 30 years. Established in 1982 by a group of women who saw the benefits of supporting eachother’s business efforts, many current members are “Navigators,” i.e., those who have been members for 15 years or more.  Clearly a groundbreaking and energetic group, its membership stands around 50, down in recent years, but growing again with new members joining on a monthly basis.  The fees are reasonable – $165 for one year or $195 for two years.  This offer stands through the end of 2010.  Corporate memberships are also available.  Cost of dinner meetings range from $28-$35, depending upon membership status and time of registration.  Programs typically include a featured speaker.

Last night’s meeting was a fun, all-networking event, one of two throughout the year.   Each attendee gave a “commercial” for her or his business.  After seeing the props, skits, songs and creativity exhibited at the last event of this kind, I stepped up my efforts and brought by Victory Circles magic wand.   “I’m no fairy godmother,” I said with a flourish of the light-up wand with spinning globe and sound, “but I give you the support, skills and strategies you need to help your business succeed.”  I guess a little magic did the trick, because I won $20 (and many inquiries about my wand and my business).

VCPWN will also host a Business Expo in October, featuring women-owned businesses in the area.

Meetings are on the 2^nd Thursday of the month from 5:30-8:30 at The Wedgewood Banquet Center, 5880 Olivas Park Drive, Ventura.  Register before Monday, August 9^th to make it on the hot sheet and get the early registration discount.  Find more info on VCPWN on their web site www.vcpwn.org.

You can also learn more about women’s networking groups in Ventura County by visiting my calendar.